I’m with Optus and my phone was down, as was my Optus internet (I have a ‘backup’!) for over 12 hours. The panic was on the TV.
I thought it was fantastic! People not annoying me, no scammers or ‘comparison companies’, no scrolling… I went for a walk and didn’t need my GPS to tell me how many steps I took!
All in all Optus, thanks from me for the peace and quiet and thanks for the test run of what happens when the mobile network goes down which we now realise also effect land lines.
It was a test run like when the power went out in South Australia for 24 hours and people though it was the end of the world as they missed ‘The Bachelor’ and the finale of ‘Big Brother’ – they didn’t notice that the fridge was getting warm or at nighttime it got dark.
And our bigger and longer ‘test run’ of COVID when we had the ‘Toilet Paper Wars!’
In most of these test runs the first thing people called for was compensation while they caught up on TV and got a cold beer from the fridge. After a week or so most just forgot about it.
A few didn’t and there were ‘class actions’, Government Enquiries and personal injury that went on for years, but the Media (The Merchants of Misery) dropped the whole thing after a few days….. by the way is there still a war in Ukraine?
No-body stocked up on toilet paper, food, medicine, got a generator or batteries…..?
I Did Things Differently.
Me during all of these ‘disasters’ I enjoyed the silence, the solitude and watched movies, drank cold drinks and had a hearty meal.
Because I learned from the test runs and it wasn’t very hard, all I had to do was notice and take some small steps. So now if there are anymore ‘test runs’ or perhaps the ‘real thing’ I’ll be right:
I have 100 days of food (which doesn’t take up too much room by the way)
I have a 100 days of water (+) in my tanks
I have solar, a battery and a generator
I have a really cool first aid kit I made up in a big plastic tub in the pantry
I have a cupboard in the shed with toilet paper, paper towel, disinfectant wipes, gloves, N95 masks etc etc – just a few spares of things that I bought, all on bought when they were on special and there were lots on the shelves with my normal shop each week (plus they are just about giving away all the stuff they wrapped us off for during COVID)
I have a portable gas cooker (good for camping) and a BBQ with three 9kg gas bottles (2 always full)
I have other stuff too, which is stored right next to my gun safe (thought I’d let you know about that as well!?)
And, I have a mindset that I will not be a Victim or die one. It also helps if you are a little prepared and have a plan. Because, it has been proven that only 15% of us are natural survivors – the rest mostly wait to follow someone, or wait to be rescued, or usually just die.
…. And You Can Do Things Differently too…
So I thought I would share something with you that I have prepared. It is Copyrighted, but please feel free to share with your friends. I assure you it might just save your life one day, just click below on the blue text to read the PDF. And I am NOT trying to sell you anything!
Most of the knowledge I have in all aspects of my life I got for free, so why not give it away. What’s that called nowadays, oh yeah, ‘paying it forward’. That’s when you hand out $100 notes in the street, or pay for someones else groceries and post it on YouTube on your ‘monetise” account where you get paid for ‘clicks’ and earn $100,000!!!!
So here’s the Manifesto, just click on the blue text and it will open as a PDF….
Also, by reading this we may all work together to survive (see my previous post ‘The Revolution – Phase 1 – You can join for free’). As another little gift I’ll give you the below free list of stuff. Perhaps you have some of it already lying round. Just gather it all together, put it in one bag and put it handy; I have one in my car as do all my kid. Funny I gave them to the kids several years ago and gave them the choice of their ‘survival pack’ or $200, and they all took the pack. This little pack might help you out of a normal, or not so normal situation.
I know there is a lot of stuff on the internet about ‘prepping’, all you have to do is click on the link, watch a 30 minute video, before they try and sell you something! When you read ‘The Manifesto’ just remember one thing, it is those that work together that survive.
Anyway until the next ‘disaster’ like maybe Neflix, Prime and Stan all going down on the one day, I’ll be gone. I do have some upcoming posts you may like that will be published shortly. I know I have been promising this for awhile, but its a bit hot today to work outside so I’m in the office, having a cold drink and a hearty meal, but look forward to sharing with you the following posts in the near future:
“Phase 2 of The Revolution: How to NEVER pay a traffic ticket again” (Okay you didn’t read Phase 1 and not many are following it anyway – click here to read) “How I Gave $50 to The Bank”
Doing my evening thing and watching the TV in the background as I try to write something profound. I am always about to go inside, after The Chase, the first half of the News and an episode of American Pickers, when a movie comes on that I’ve seen a thousand times…. but, can’t help but watch it one more time: tonight it was ROBO-COP.
I initially thought it was the original ‘old classic’ with the great line “Dead or alive you’re coming with me….” then I realised it was a modern remake; so, even a better reason to stay up and watch it, in the shed, with a beer.
….. and, I smiled…. and, as the movie started, I thought, wrote and felt the words below:
“I thought of an old mate from the Police, Bill. We walked the beat in the 1980’s, we were in the Police Pistol Club together and each year would go away to the Australian Police and Services National Pistol Titles…. we had a fine time!? He was eventually poached from the Police back into the Airforce where he began his career of service. We all laughed as he was an officer and mostly as young coppers we didn’t have much to do with the officers other than to get yelled at. We kept in touch, as you try to do and had a few catch ups over the years and pretended it was the 1980’s again; Bill could always make us laugh and mostly when he dumped a 318 Valiant motor in a Jaguar!
We laughed a lot at Robo-Cop when it came out; and in fact all the great, now terrible movies of the 80’s, which we stole lines from and used them at work, not unlike the Brooklyn 99 classic comebacks and sayings.
I smiled when the new Robo-Cop came on, I smiled with all the above memories and got a beer from the fridge.
For a moment, I thought of calling Bill and wondered if like me, his mobile number had not changed for 20 years.
Then, in that same instance, as those who know, will know; I remember he died a few years ago from cancer.
So, I stood up, and I wrote his name on my fridge in the shed, with the other names, under the title “Say their names often”…..
Well here goes…. ….. and this is a long read….. sorry!
I haven’t had my second vaccination yet (I will not use the advertising slogan “The Jab” although I did use it in the heading of this post – hypocrisy is still one of my strong points?), however I am all booking in later this month and will be getting it.
…. someone said to me the other day, all that is happening in the world today seems a bit like a bad plot in a B Grade science fiction movie… ?
As I said in Part 1, I love movies; I also love reality TV; well not in its entirety, okay not at all, I just love ‘Survivor’. But, truely can Reality TV be anything other than real; real people put in real made up situations trying to be real? I blame the Kardashians and Paris Hilton who are real famous for being, well, real famous. And, then there is living in the real world….
In the real world, the weird real world of today, I have spent a lot of time thinking about stuff. I think about stuff I know, and then there is the stuff that I think I know; and what I see. Then I try and put this all in the perspective of my years of deducing conclusions that fit all the facts.
I tell young Detectives do all you can to try and prove the ‘offender’ innocent and when you can’t, well logically, they did it….
So, in my ‘analysis of The Jab’ I first had to get rid of some of the ‘innocent’ or unprovable theories.
… bearing this in mind, I told a ‘flat earther’ friend of mine the other day that I don’t believe the world is flat as there is more evidence that it is a sphere floating in space and a force we can’t explain called gravity keeps us all from falling off (that sounds just as silly when you write it down); But, I listened to them as their arguments were interesting. I did finish our conversation by saying, if a giant spaceship landed tomorrow and the occupants of that ship came out and said ‘Oh, by the way, you have been living on a flat earth under a big dome’ I’d walk out to the fridge in the shed, get a beer, have a sit down and say ‘fair enough’ – this doesn’t seem probable, but….?
So back to my ‘innocent’ and unprovable theories, they all seem to be flawed on two grounds.
Firstly they seem statistically unlikely, and secondly they do not have a logical purpose behind them.
Before I go on (and I believe me I am going on….!) I am going to do my best to not say ‘your should or you shouldn’t’. Religion is so full of people starting sentences with ‘you should’ and/or ‘you shouldn’t and that when for me it is not talk to the hand it is talk to the back of my head as I am walking away. So, I will do my best not to do this to you. Always remember that when religion is working for the rich, it’s fine; but, not for the poor. See, I’m not the only one with a monopoly on hypocrisy.
Back to the Detectives ‘investigationing’ (a great non-word) I started by just letting all the ‘facts’ be a mist of genuine ‘unknownness’. In the end, after asking a few very basic questions of myself, the answer seemed really simple, not sinister, just really, really sad.
I considered two main questions below which led me to the answer (and it is not 42! – that was the question remember!)
Question 1 – The Media
What of the Media (the Merchants of Misery). As said before it is probably the first time they have so obviously been in support of the Government and any of their plans. I also relates to the fact that their job has become easier; we can’t attack them for manipulation because we are all victims who prove so easily and eager to step into the experience they provide; fake, proven or otherwise it is the spectacle, the modern arena for us the slave gladiators willingly taking part; and we are sold the myth that we think we are just sitting in the stands.
Question 2 – The big Question: Why?
Well, it depends on how you are looking at this pandemic; as this view will make the question very simple or very complicated. The greatest question which answers itself about all conspiracy theories in that for most of them to be true, the extent of the conspiracy would have to be so big, what could I do about it anyway… another time to walk to the fridge get a beer, sit down and say ‘fair enough I didn’t expect that?’.
We mostly live in a democratic world, but that doesn’t really matter. Even in a democracy we really can do whatever we wish so long as we do what ‘they’ (the infamous ‘they’!) tell us to do. Remember all our ‘rulers’ democratic or not rely on our consent to rule.
Controlling the consent of ‘robots’ is easy when we have a futile fear of everything and are focused on the superficial joys of consuming, immediate gratification and the Kardashians.
The question as to ‘why’ is simple. Does it help the rich or does it help the general population? From this question you know the ‘why’ straight away and virtually what’s going to happen next.
Well, surprise we are now allowed to have freedoms that we started off with before and thought nothing of. Perhaps we are being giving something called the ‘Privilege of Greatness’ were the ‘powers to be’ rely on the supreme pleasure and gratefulness of the population on receiving small concessions so as the bigger issues are forgotten in the celebration and joy of the insubstantial gift. Viva La ‘Freedom Day’!
…. And through this smokey, misty, fact finding and intuitional detection process, it dawn on me…
The vaccines are probably safe(ish) as much as polio, rubella etc etc were/are safe in their interestingly statistically verified safeness. A sad statistic is that vaccines, even the bad ones have never hurt or killed more people than the countries that have been torn apart, the generations of hurt, guilt, regret, pain and death, that resulted from our smallest wars. So, many wars, our World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf Wars, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan; ….. the war on drugs ….. the war on terror ….. the war on traffic fatalities ….. the war on corruption ….. the war on COVID19
Fun Fact: COVID19 is the disease caused by the SARS-CoV-2 virus strain just like AIDS in the disease caused by the HIV Virus. Go figure this silly medical stuff?
After all, our emergency services and defence services personnel are always on the front line of these ‘wars’. It is never the generals, it’s the civilians who authorise and organise these wars who ultimately commit the worst war crimes in history.
All that has happened in this ‘Why’, has ‘political support’. Political support is a wonderful phrase as it almost always means the Governments bipartisan support from the rich and big business. Climate change for example (I think that’s a ‘war’ too) is now big business, so everything is being ‘green washed’ because that’s where the money is.
However, this is just the pilot in a really great apocalypse movie (although low on budget and special effects.
All good apocalypse movies have a sequel in the making when released. If ‘Rick’ can go from trying to steal a mates girlfriend (Love Actually) to being the reason we all hope the Zombie kill him (The Walking Dead), then anything is possible in the sequal.
I believe the why and the solution is not revolution but evolution; I can hardly wait for ‘The Jab Part 3’!!!
Really – this guy is only 0.69 !!!!
(I had actually finished the draft of this post and thought leaving it on the above ‘cliff hanger’ was like watching ‘Highway Patrol’ when the blood alcohol metre is spinning in the corner and then they go for a commercial break – then I realise how much I hated that so I can’t do it to anyone else….)
I finished my draft on the evening of the 12/11/21…. and upon realising the date was a palindrome like ‘race car’ and hannah’ and ‘glenelg’ and my favourite and applicable to this post:
“no sir panic is a basic in prison”
The words of Plato filled my head: “All in all, nothing human is worth taking very seriously, nevertheless…..”
I recommend before the sequel to keep the status quo by:
keep consuming
pay your fines and surrender you right of having ‘your day in court’ – even to just say sorry or give a good reason or to ask for a bit of leniency
watch cats on vacuum cleaners and the Kardashians and their clones
buy on line and never price compare unless it is online
watch the Media (the Merchants of Misery) even though you don’t believe them…. much.
and most of all, be afraid; in the most prosperous, safest, longest life expectancy and peaceful time in human history, ever; you just remain afraid
Remember the above strategies have ‘political support’ which is best statistically summarised by this wonderful survey in the US, which had 98% of the population supporting universal health care – this was not considered ‘political support’ so universal health care was abandoned by government – well they had to, there was no support?. Remember, we are most in danger when we have jumped out of the way of a speeding car, willingly or not, of most likely being run over by another car.
So, we will fight ‘the war on COVID19’ for as a government and us as the willing mob we all live for the sake of combatting an enemy, therefore as that is our purpose, it is in the best interests of everyone to keep the enemy alive to fulfil our purpose.
So, what, best interest?
Best interest is big business, the super rich and the implementation of the ‘three laws of robotics’ as designed by the science fiction writer Issac Asimov (by the way old Issac just came up with three robot laws and a few good books, whereas another science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard came up with an entire religion!):
First Law: A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
Second Law: A robot must obey orders given it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Third Law: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Now the Why is revealed.
We have become customers for life, obeying the three laws as all good robots do.
Not truely sinister, but COVID19 (forgot all the conspiracies) has provided the opportunity for the greatest marketing, sales and future binding contracted arrangements with consumers. We, the 80-90% of the population, are now consumers of our COVID19 vaccinations, and boosters for life. We should be proud that we are part of the greatest demonstration of consumer led capitalism in the history of man, ever!
Protests in the streets, even with the best of intentions of the ‘choice argument’ will fail…. Long rambling blogs will fail……. Litigation will fail…….
I, along with 80-90% of the rest of the world have sealed deal and signed the ‘customer for life contract’.
…. and then I thought I had written enough…. and had a sleep and made the mistake of watching the News and not just publishing this post…..
13/11/21 (no palindrome – that day is gone…)
They say a week in politics or the news cycle is a long time. Well, I should have published/posted this the morning and then I wouldn’t have watched the news tonight!?
Countries with similar (or better) vaccination rates to us are going back into locked down – when the Netherlands do something like this I pay attention – they seem like reasonable people and secretly own half the world.
I hit myself in the face in front of the mirror ‘Fight Club’ style, as I again fell for the trap of attempting to use logic to solve and illogical problem.
I remembered even ‘customers for life’ need to be entertained to keep that ‘brand loyalty’…. always waiting for the new and improved models, which will have great new versions and the ever expectation and excitement of impending war.
The Prime Minister said that people hoarding and ‘panic’ buying were un-Australian…..
He later said that people had ‘optimism bias’ and as such were not obeying the new rules…
He later said he had to put in ‘social distancing measures’ to stop people doing things like going to Bondi Beach…..
He calls on us to emulate the ‘ANZAC Spirit’ and all work together as ‘Aussies’ which we always do when the chips are down….
The hypocrisy….
Australians follow their leaders. The Prime Minister and all politicians are the people who set the tone of our society. They are driven, manipulated and seek the lime light with the Merchants of Misery (The Media). They say ‘panic’ buying and hoarding is Un-Australian, no, it is the Australians that our politicians are. Politicians look after number one; they stomp on whoever they can to get what they want; and during the process they hoard enough superannuation to feed a small town. No, Mr Prime Minister, you are seeing the legacy of the ‘Australian’ you are and the Australians you created. PS: The Prime Minister gets of telly about rolls of toilet paper but is relatively silent about 500 billion (about 38%) being lost on the stock marked due to ‘panic selling’….. sorry, stock brokers and investors are clever people while the toilet paper hoarders are….. the… same???
Optimism bias! Ha! How dare you accuse a few people going to the beach and or a cafe when you had weeks notice that this virus was coming to our shores like a tsunami. Mr Prime Minister did you forget you ‘optimism’ not that long ago telling everybody to go about ‘business’ as usual? While at the same time Italy, Iran, China etc, etc, had already told you it will never be business as usual again! He was going to the footy days before he started shutting down the country – now that’s not a mixed message!? …. Oh, I forgot that politicians blame us for what they have done; you traitors and Un-Australians for going to the beach…… my mistake?
Social distancing similar to the Prime Minister and the Chief Medial Officer shaking hands with everyone a day prior to the ‘Bondi Beach Madness’…. I’m sorry but the hypocracy is so blatant that you don’t notice it because no one with any sense of emotional intelligence would think that people would buy it….. but, we are? PS: … and the difference at a wedding, funeral for one day… and school everyday is?
…. and when all else fails, call on the ANZAC spirit. Just remember these ANZAC heroes were mostly led by a bunch of dills calling the shots from safety. And, please remember that ANZAC cove was a failure and a defeat. In actual fact, it was probably the first ‘Bradbury’ – we lost, but because we retreat really good, it was a victory? Mr Prime Minister, please do not soil the memory of these heroes by pretending that you have as much to sacrifice; it is us, the ‘foot soldiers’ that keep the spirit alive by defending ourselves against you and helping each other out when you continue to fail.
Well….
Sitting down to write a positive post, didn’t quite work out for me?
I haven’t written for a while as I felt I was being harshly judged about what I was writing; so, I thought the first post back in the saddle should be as judgemental as possible!
But, lets face it, writing a blog is not exactly about being a shrinking violet and not have a degree of ‘show off’ in you?
I don’t think politicians have realised that creating an economy, and doing anything to protect it, and having The Merchants of Misery as ally and foe, does not create a community in a time of crisis; this is what WE do, most days actually; and our community will get us through, irrespective of your promises. (which gets me thinking about all those millions in aid to the bushfire victims…..?).
So, I hope to be positive in future posts and talk more about saving our ‘community’. I believe our economy will never be the same again; but, our community, our communities, US, can be stronger than ever.
I don’t want to talk about the politicians anymore or ‘firm directions’ they are giving us about what we ‘should’ be doing – we are Australians, we have the ANZAC spirit and if someone tells us not to do something, well, most of us don’t do it….. but, suggest to us we ‘shouldn’t’ do something….. well, it’s almost like a dare!
Shows how Un-Australian you are Mr Prime Minister.
Well the day is almost over and I am sure many of us took the time to ask someone, RUOK – we may have well been asked ourselves.
Why are we asking today, RUOK? Is it as a platitude; a response to a very well run and important campaign…. or are we asking with full expectation of any possible answer.
Hey, are RUOK? Well, actually I’m not….
WTF (Not the answer we were expecting….)
What now?
I often ask people RUOK and get asked a lot myself. I often call people having challenges in life; I ask RUOK on 365 days of the year…
I often tell people I call, that if ‘well meaning’ people ring up and ask if they are okay and then say “If there is anything I can do, let me know”. I tell them to reply “Well as a matter of fact there is….” (It is important that the ending of this sentence says something along the lines of….) ….. “Can you come around and wash my car?” “Can you do my washing?” “Can you come around and clean my house / wash my windows / weed the garden…. etc etc.”
And…. the silence on the line will be deafening.
Okay, this is a bit cruel (but you may get your car washed!) but, the point is by making that phone call you have already done more than most.
I have a wonderful “Band of Brothers”, my beautiful daughters and friends and family from the wider world.
I am lucky.
They ask me if I am okay all the time; and when I am okay they are proud of me; when I am not okay they are there. I don’t ask them to wash the car but they would.
I know, without a hint of doubt, embarrassment, guilt, or feelings of weakness and failure, that I can call them when I am not okay… this is their greatest gift.
For which I will be forever grateful.
So, today, on RUOK day, be that person who resolves to ring that friend, tomorrow or next week.
Then when you make that call, or drop around unexpectedly, or invite that workmate for a coffee; understand that you have already done a lot, and more than most.
When your friend, relative or workmate is not okay, know that unless you have lived it yourself, you can not understand what it is they are going through. This sounds harsh and ungrateful for all your kindness… but, unfortunately it is true…. and that is okay.
This knowledge saves you expending your efforts in trying to understand it or fix it. You can then put all of your efforts in doing the easiest and best thing… just be you.
Today, I am okay; actually nowadays, most days, I am okay.
Why?
Because when I wasn’t okay, when I was as far from okay more than I could have ever imagined; I reached out and there were the hands to hold me up, and some days they carried me, in heart, mind, spirit and body.
From their love; from their actions; and often from that phone call; laugh; a hand on the shoulder; a look and a nod; I am okay. I am thankful, grateful and humbled.
Tomorrow, or the day after, or next week, month, year, I may not by okay… and as much as I don’t want this to happen; I feel safe in it…. because, of the people in my life who ask me RUOK, or give me permission and confidence to reach out and say “I am not okay today…”
Be these people; be there, ask, or reach out. We are all doing our bit which can change the world. It can change or save a life – perhaps your own.
I believe we are all here for a purpose; it may not be too evident in those dark hours; but, I believe it is true… I think we all know it. I had to go through my darkest time to truely feel that my purpose, yet unknown, and perhaps never known, was always there.
Each day, I let go, let Go, let love, guide me. Some days those thoughts, and those thoughts alone, are enough; and some days I need others; and hopefully some days I can be there for others.
I have spent a few days considering writing a post. I still have a lot of poems to share (groan I hear!) but think by posting one today I would be losing half my audience, and then you would be sitting there reading this all alone!
I am pretty sure my “Better Man Project” is dead. I think constant improvement is often used as an excuse for not being the best you can today; it was certainly an excuse I used.
In addition my daily Mantras have not given me the guidance they were supposed to. I was always going to follow all of them… tomorrow, and just do the best I can today, instead of being my best every day; I think there is a difference.
Those of you (well both of you) who read my blog, may have suspected I was insane; and no doubt feel vindicated after my recent stay in the Rural and Remote Ward at Glenside Hospital. But, to me this was not the greatest indicator; it was my obliviousness to the fact that I was living my favourite quote from Albert Einstein.
As we all know, me more than some I would suggest, is that the insane person does not actually know they are insane. This was me.
I wrote blogs about Mantras and Being a Better Man; but, I was not improving, but just justifying the way I viewed the world and interacted with it.
I was rarely, the best I could be each day; which could have translated with a little effort and dedication into everyday.
I so often could not control what was happening to my life. I can only control how I react to it – this was more of a revelation than any Mantra or personal improvement process. I have always had excuses for the reactions to things in my life; I see now I was mostly wrong. Rest easy I now accept this.
In accepting this I worked on a little theory of how I felt about myself and my past action:
Guilt is awareness that our actions have injured someone else.
Shame is how we feel about ourselves.
I have a lot of regrets; but little shame. I am incredibly embarrassed and regretful for many things I have done and a lot of the things I have said.
My greatest, latest, all in living colour and 3D stereo sound revelation is that I historically have not been me; the true me. I have been sold, and resold, solidified and worshiped the gods of power, anger, consumerism and possessions (No, you can’t have all my stuff for free; I said realisation, not I am becoming a monk!)
A mate recently started calling me by my birth name and he said I was dead. He said:
We all loved the 70% of our mate who was loyal, generous, smart and helpful, but the other 30% would take our heads off, rip our hearts out and destroy with a word…
There was plenty of regret in my heart plus real admiration that he had the courage to tell me. I must admit when he told me the 30% he identified, it felt like 99% of what I mostly felt; I was lucky as I think I faked about three quarters of the 70% he actually liked!
So why did he tell me? We have spent a bit of time with each other lately and he said he didn’t see any of the 30% – okay, lets call it what is; he didn’t see; an angry, controlling, abusive, malicious, self centred prick!
Why?
Because I almost died. Because the love of my life left. and… I broke.
The first two, precipitated the last one; the first two were a realisation that all was not good in my view of life. I actually cringed at what my epitaph may have been if I had died and shake my head at how I treated love.
The breaking was the making.
Now I am here with all the pieces, but, I am lucky and grateful that I am still here. I am lucky and grateful for the love I had – and live in hope for.
I live one day at a time. I still have food in the fridge and pay my bills but mentally I am just in this day. I have hope and realise the world is not all about me.
Right, so what? Well fantastic that I am all better today, but there will be a tomorrow.
I am still on my trek. And it is a trek which I have just started. Up until recently I have been going through life as a ‘journey’. I may actually say I was on a ‘cruise’ with occassional fact finding missions into consumerism, power and surveying the battle grounds of my self justified victories!
These ‘journeys’ through life; the constant excitement of smashing down the rapids in my rubber raft driven by barely qualified guides and being with all the other tourists who pay for cheap excitement and gratification. These were my journeys in life, but now I am on a trek.
What does this trek entail that differentiates it from my life journeys to this point?
I have a lot of baggage that I have to carry (I do so gladdly but have packed them better)
There will be deep valleys (some like ‘the valley of the shadow of death” in the Bible!)
Highway men will constantly be trying to rob me (Read the Media, the merchants of misery; Advertisers and the Government!)
There will be wonderful scenery if I bother to lift my head
I will be with new and old travelling companions
I have a destination
I am determined to overcome all obstacles
I am doing it for me
I do it every day and don’t have days off
I now trek through life, some days the hills are steep, the wind is against me, it’s raining, and I am tired. On days like this I need only to take one step – that way I will always be going forward.
I don’t blame the weather, the steep hills or dark valleys or bad travelling companions for my progress, for it is my trek.
Each day I will choose how I see the next step; and I will take it.
I has taken me a while to getting to write this post.
Because, it is important, humbling, embarrassing; but, mostly life changing.
After a major health scare in December; let’s say it for what it is, it was a brain aneurysm and I almost died. Staring the Grim Reaper in the eye a couple of times can give you a bit of a scare and be life changing!
In recovering from that, and then having massive changes in my personal circumstances, there is no other way to describe it… I broke.
A really good psychiatrist said to me there were a lot of medical terms for my condition but basically I had a ‘good old fashioned nervous breakdown.’
As my spiritual guide Russell Brand would better describe it “I was a bit fucked.”
As a result, and only through the absolute love and dedication of my ‘Band of Brothers” and my wonderful daughters, they got me the help I needed. Thank you, you saved me.
I was admitted to the “Rural and Remote Ward” a Glenside Hospital. The only experience I had in the ‘Glenside Mental Hospital’ was dropping crazy people off in my career in the Police and my old Mum often saying “If you kids don’t behave I’ll end up in Glenside!”
I was humbled and grateful for all the care and treatment I received there of several weeks as an inpatient.
Also during that time I found a little blank notebook in the bookshelf that had a floral cover and the words ‘Life is Beautiful’ printed on it. In this little book which I found by coincidence I started to write poetry.
Now those who know me and have heard me recite “Clancy of the Overflow” about 1000 times and threatened to punch me will know, I have always been a little interested in the wonders of verse and poetry. I have written a few before and love a verse or two in my homemade cards which some of you have been subjected to.
Plus I have to thank my late buddy of 30 years Des Steele for his love of poetry and it’s inclusion in many of his ‘Desisms’. (I still miss him and you can read about him in a post I did a few years ago when he passed away – click here).
So I filled this little book with poetry during my recovery. I filled that book and a few more pages since!
The poem below was the first I wrote in Glenside. It is basically the first draft, are a lot of my poems, which I don’t change in typing them up so as not to lose the moment they were written.
The poem below has recently been published on a United Kingdom site – www.theperspectiveproject.co.uk – which has a lot of works by people recovering from mental illness – worth a look I think.
So, I haven’t written here lately, largely because I have been writing in another way I love with pen and paper in cursive (much to the horror of my daughters and their inability to read cursive!)
I will include a little heading, not like this rambling, for each of my posts where I publish another poem; I may even read a few on my YouTube Channel Being a Better Man.
But, mostly I want to share my trek, as I experienced it, and wrote about it.
I will share my posts on Facebook etc (which is probably how you got here anyway) and appreciate your comments and feedback – there is a comments section on the bottom of this post and all my posts if you want to use that on this site to comment or provide feedback or suggestions.
By the way, I love doing this, it has helped a lot in my treatment and recovery. I hope you can find something for you.
Enjoy. (and No, hardly any of my poems rhyme!)
“In Times of Mind – Hope”
In times of mind, Through experience, I lose myself.
I see, and think, and feel, And lose to myself.
I circle and dive, I resurface; To a confused sea.
I struggled against The currents within; And the steep mountain ahead.
I swim and climb; alone: Against the winds within.
In the blackness, Without light, I turn searching, For landfall, or the smallest foothold.
I am alone.
I reach out my hand, In one final grasp at survival.
…And suddenly, I feel The grip I have been seeking.
I am held afloat, A firm foot hold found,
It is love, And family, And friendship; It was there all the time.
The light of the beacon, Always shines; My blindness was from within.
The light now guides me; The light now fills me.
I now sail and trek forth, In light, in love; With hope.
I wonder how many of us went to the dawn service and commemorated the spirit of our ANZACs and today go about our business somehow not remembering what brought a tear yesterday at dawn. Can we still remember and live the feelings we had, the pride, the respect and the some how feeling part of a community greater than ourselves.
Well, every ANZAC Day I think about these things.
What’s more I think about them most days. When I see the petty squabbling in day to day life; when I hear our politicians speak; when I see big business take from the needy; when I hear the media (the Merchants of Misery) create and ignore news; when I see someone struggling and needing help that would cost most of us almost nothing.
I think about the spirit of the ANACS everyday and a few years ago sat down and wrote the following.
I really hope that in the morning and the going down of the sun you will always remember what it really means to celebrate and more importantly live the spirit of the ANZACs.
Why can’t every day be ANZAC Day
Bravery would be commonplace Loyalty would be volunteered We would fight for those who could not fight for themselves
We would love our country
We are just glad to be alive – today
You carry everything we own We write each other letters Good fun, is just good fun Our leaders lead and we follow
Coming home is the most important thing We volunteer Sacrifice is given gladly Life is short, often horrific but we face it with our mates and we all stand fast
Heroes; really are heroes We don’t do things to be remembered Medals are earned often with our lives
And probably most of all every sunrise, and every sunset We would remember those that have fallen and every day We would live our lives to honour the values That we have fought and died for
Yesterdays blog was about forgetting the ‘better man project’ and just being a good man – everyday.
Everyday is a long time – it is now and it is always.
You can’t have a bad day as a good man and hurt people and then say sorry and think it will be okay. Saying sorry is a good start but that taking responsibility for your actions is the actual action that you need to take.
I remember when we were all saying sorry for something we didn’t think we were responsible for… I always used the analogy of having a cold….
“Sorry you feel bad with your cold” – as opposed to…
“I apologise you have a cold” – but it’s not my fault so why apologise.
An apology is taking responsibility for your actions – “sorry about that” is all very nice and really has no answer, or complaint, but is it taking responsibility – I vote no.
I want to be a good man and take responsibility for my actions on a daily basis. But, there is a catch. Apologise freely, or better still stop and don’t do that thing that I might have to apologise for in the first place – that is the good man.
The good man today does not wipe out the not so good man of yesterday. It does also not wipe out all the ‘sorries’ when there should have been ‘apologies.’
In thinking about this, I wondered is is all that apologising and saying sorry really doing anything – is anyone really any better for it?
The answer that continued to boom through my head was ‘Yes”.
Not that long ago I was contacted by someone that I had wronged a long time ago – for all those years I put it down to good old youthful exuberance. They told me what I had done had hurt them for years and it was a horrible time in their life. I said sorry… I hope I apologised. But, most of all I realised that neither of these things seemed enough. I dont know what to do to make up for this wrong – but, I do know the universe will tell me when that time is and I will have to pay the piper – and I will pay him gladly.
Taking responsibility for your actions can be a hard pill to swallow – you can choke on it and it may kill you. It may kill the construct of the person you thought you were – it may kill your ego. These are things we don’t risk in our modern dog eat dog life.
But, and there is always a but….
In my ‘Dr Google’ research I came across something interesting in all my searches about taking responsibility for your actions… and it was in the Alcoholic’s Anonymous 12 steps program… (these are a few of the 12 and in actual order but with a few edited out – do a search and next time you may be kinder to someone who you think is, or is, an alcoholic – they are undertaking something much harder than any pretend better man project…)
Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Make a list of persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
So, the battling drunk up the street may just be a good man (or woman) trying to undertake the recompense for a life not so well led. … and if you want to baulk at the God bit, just think about editing that out instead of trashing the entire sentence – perhaps it is easier to not get passed the ‘God bit’ because you then can avoid the ‘ourselves’ bit.
When you think about their list it can be overwhelming – when you think about your list it may be a surprise – when I think about my list, especially those closest to me, it is staggering.
I am following the 12 steps and it may not be God even to me, but the Universe is always watching – it is where we came from and where we will go back to. Remember there may be one molecule in your body that was once the heart of a star – and that is a legacy that deserves recognition and somehow, somewhere, a sense of awe!
I want each day to not be about being the better man sometime in the future and to hell with my past in getting there, well getting there tomorrow.
I want want each day to be about me being a good man and acknowledging that yesterday has a whole lot of responsibilities that I have to also take responsibility for and when I can ‘I apologise’ and do what I can to make amends.
Some days this may sting, but often the acknowledgement takes no more than will and acceptance … and that may not be pretty.
I have been a good man today and I accept all the responsibilities for my wrongs of all the yesterdays to here… I will be a good man tomorrow and make amends where I can.
Bye the way – I do not think this is a task, I think it is a privilege – because we, I, am still here to do it.
