Dont you hate it when someone, or some news article says ‘more to follow’ and it doesn’t….
So this post is specifically to stop that angst and is related to a previous post (insert link here) – which through the magic of technology I am putting on the internet within milliseconds of each other – it really is magic.
So – how are we better at receiving bad news – the profound truth!!!
We are not – because we are emotional beasts that crave the emotional response that is so much a part of society we don’t notice it. What is that? Gratification! Yes, gratification is the beast that is killing all our emotions – mostly it is killing the moment to understand…. Understand what? Well, the rest of it.
Unfortunately receiving bad news does not fit into the category of gratification – unless your are really the ultimate sicko – and there are a few of them!. Bad news fits into the category “That I have suddenly had the illusion that I am special and destined for greatness and I am not a part of the rest of you, suddenly shattered by the realisation that I am” – except that it is not; bad news is not the realisation that you are not special, or talented, or gifted or on the TV.
Bad news is mostly not bad news.
“Oh, but he dropped me, and I loved him more than anything else”
But, I didn’t get that job and I was the best candidate and all the rest were pretenders..”
“But my cat died and I love him”
“I didn’t win the fucking lottery”
NO! NO! NO!
The bad news that you lament and bitch and screem about is not bad news… it is just you being a sook, a victim and a product of the NOW generation that thinks all of us can be exceptional and special and destined for success and getting the golden button on X-Factor or whatever that bullshit show is….. or that 30 seconds of fame when you see your name on the bottom of the screen with “Concerned Neighbour” written below it in some bullshit, yet somehow important, appearing font….
Bad news is personal, and heartfelt and dwindles or lingers – it is not a sound grab on ‘The Project’ or an expose on A Current Affair or a blame game of those who cause you pain…. No, bad news is in the heart.
I have thought about this a lot, and have thought that my life is full of bad news. Yet, whenever I think back about it, I realise that most bad news, I cant even remember – which is a paradox in itself.
Let’s get this straight, bad news fits into the following categories with the following percentaged.
- Bullshit Bad News – 95%
- Kick in the Balls Bad New – 4.5%
- In the Heart Bad News – .5%a
The bad news that I got today fits into Bullshit Bad News. Nobody died – and by the way, without jumping ahead, which I just did, that is not even Kick in the Ball Bad News because people die everyday – it is inevitable!!!!
Most (look above 95%) of all your whinging and crying is just bullshit. Most of it you don’t even remember. But, at the time you carried on like you were kicked in the balls (see below) but then you saw something shiny and were distracted in another direction – “ooo cry, cry, cry my cat died – but, look here is my new pussy, isn’t she or he or other, cute…”.
Kick in the balls bad news hurts – it is really is like a kick in the balls. “Sorry we are sacking you because everyone thinks you are a prick” – Shit! Kick in the balls, as you thought you were an okay type guy (but secretly you knew you were a prick – so you go and get another job, as your ego is actually bigger than your prick and you make a prick of yourself somewhere else… and the cycle continues…). this is not always the case as sometimes you get a kick in the balls and you don’t deserve it – by the way it doesn’t hurt any less.
And, then, there is ‘In the Heart Bad News”…. I want to make a joke about this, but there isn’t one….
It cripples you (a kick in the balls is a tickle in comparison – actually it’s a tickle with a feather in comparison…)
It gets a little more attention than Bullshit Bad News, it gets a mate holding the ice pack a few minutes more that a Kick in the Balls Bad News… but it is different….
Man!!!! It fucking hurts your heart like you didn’t know your heart could be hurt.
It hurts like you could never imagine.
It hurts like you can’t explain – even to all those who say “I know, I know” – really if you knew, you would shut the fuck up…. you just don’t know….
It still hurts – when you least expect it it hurts more. It is a new you, this hurt.
But, we survive it.
Because only when you know ‘In the Heart Bad News’ do you understand. Not that it is fair, not that it is unfair, not that it will get better, not that ‘time heals all wounds’…. but, that you have experienced it, like so many before you, the only understanding you get about it, is the understanding of it….. You don’t have to talk about it, you can, but if someone hasn’t experienced it, then no explanation is possible.
Plus after a while you don’t need to talk to others about it, as you know it, in your heart….,
You mentioning it, and them nodding, is a game of pretending to know; but, for you it is a time machine, to the instance of that bad news, and you live through it, again… and you survive again…. it is in your heart, forever.
I can’t explain it to some of you – and to others no explanation is necessary.
Don’t try and understand bad news that is not yours: spare you platitudes, you offers of help, your condolences, your hand patting – don’t look towards me, but, when I really need you, put your back to me, shelter me, and give me your protection to grieve….
Nod as you leave, I’ll nod back – that’s enough.