Better at Ramming Speed

Some phrases that appear, and also appear to be used everywhere, just don’t make sense to me – I mentioned that in my post Better – Yes? – No?

One of those phrases is “Ramming Speed.”

It appears to be in a lot of movies where something rams something else.  There always seems to be a known constant and the need to accelerate to what appears to be a predetermined speed.images-1

Examples are ship rams ship, car rams car and especially spaceship rams spaceship.

The Captain (maybe you have to be a Captain of something?) always yells “Accelerate to ramming speed.”

I realised that ‘ramming speed’ must therefore be a transportation constant.

As such I went to the owners manual of my 2007 Ford Territory, nothing! I searched Google – “Ramming speed for a 2007 Ford Territory,” nothing!

I have therefore decided that ramming people, or anything for that matter, in a 2007 Ford Territory is not recommended.

It would appear that any urges to ram things (particularly in my car) must be overcome.  After all I wouldn’t want to be travelling at the wrong speed.

Does the decision to NOT ram things, make me a better man?

Better the News and Kids on Bikes

I have spent most of the afternoon trawling through the latest news reports and it just makes me sad.  So much hate and death and hate.

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We are sitting in our caravan at the Port Vincent Foreshore Caravan Park where I have come for holidays with my kids for the last 12 years. This year was what I hope is the beginning of the resurgence (after the teenage years of, I hate you, I hate this, I hate that – plus I know everything!) with the kids coming back with their respective boyfriends. Plus we had the most wonderful friends also come and hang out.

I am reading the news, and not knowing if I am angry or just sad…..  and a little kid rides past our caravan on their overly pink bike, oversized helmet, and I hear one yell out to another “I can’t remember your name, but this is fun anyway!”

pink_kids_bike_helmet_and_bike Our friends have gone home and some kids have gone home but one is still camping with her boyfriend and texting me stories of their fishing and camping. I just texted her and said it was like old times and she replied “It was like old times and we loved it!!!”

I read the news while I listen to the squeals of joy of the kids riding by on their bikes – plus the ‘family world series of cricket’ on the road out the front. I smile thinking about my daughter in the tent, in the wind, in the rain cooking the squid they caught after learning how to clean it on YouTube!

The world is mental and full of hate and pain; but it is also wonderful.

I now know why my wife writes her blog www.beatcancerwithjoy.com, but some days it is hard to find…  and some days it is just out the front of your caravan….

Better Blog

It has been just over two years since I started my blog.  In that time I have posted 82 times and put other ‘stuff’ on 22 pages.

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Thanks to the 65 comments I have received.

In total I have had almost 4000 visits with some posts more popular than others – Better with Richie got me my all time daily record of 185 visits! (Thanks Richie! – I hope it got you a date!).

I look back over the last two years posts and realise sometimes I was on a roll and other times, rereading them, I just roll my eyes.  But, I decided toScreen shot 2015-01-13 at 1.36.05 PM leave them all there as I wrote about in Better at Time Machines, as it was what it was, at the time I wrote it.  My first ever post was just three words and some of my latest do have a tendency to ramble a bit!  I think I am learning that writing is a lot like other things, practice, practice, practice – unfortunately in doing this with a blog, all your ‘bad shots’ are recorded along with those ‘winning strokes.’  For me it has also been about actually doing it!  I am sure we all have projects and ideas that we were, or are still going to get around to doing one day and for me this was writing and having a web page blog (not just Facebook posts with pictures of my dinner!).

I also heard that all successful ‘artists’ are prolific, so sitting down everyday and doing something towards your ‘art’ was an imperative step towards being successful – or at least giving it your best shot.

In line with the above it had been my intention to write a blog post everyday for 2015 – but, I noticed that hits to my site were dropping off and I was actually ‘forcing’ posts I was writing instead of writing them with a feverish urgency as I just ‘had to’ record what I was thinking.

So, as much as I want to write more this year, I hope I can write with some quality, entertainment, even fun, and sometimes an important or profound conglomeration of words?

It sometimes feels lonely, scary, embarrassing and exposed to be writing in such a public forum – so, I just want to say I hope you enjoy what I write – and thanks for hanging around.

Of course, all of this is about me working on the one project that never seems to go away, never seems to be finished and the plans are constantly being redrawn – being a better man.

Even if my writing is sometimes not the best – I can still work on being better at it, and, being better at my life.

All a work in progress…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Better Judgement

I have spent a lot of my life judging people – unfortunately one of my responsibilities in a previous job was to ‘assess’ people at work – I had to judge them.

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I used a ‘behavioural and analytical capabilities’ list of attributes in assessing staff and students.

This was later changed and modified in line with modern (read trendy) ’employability skills’ that were required for a job which was in addition to any technical skills in doing it.  This new method, which I thought was quite fair, involved observed behaviours under a series of headings.  This was supposed to prevent the assessment of ‘he has a bad attitude’ or ‘we didn’t like him/her.’  It was about observable behaviour – or the facts.  (If anyone is interested in me writing about the other 9 employability skills I developed and used – let me know and I will include them in future posts and perhaps make a ‘business reference’ section to my site).

It was also about assessing someone in preparation for how they would behave actually doing the job.  The example I always use it that imagine you have a guy (or girl) who is a skilled, talented carpenter that can make anything with precision – yet, they disrupt the workplace, jack up management, have a tendency to be a bully – and generally can’t get along with people – even to the point it doesn’t mater what the customer ordered they make it their way as that is the best way.  Skilled, yes; do I want to employ them, no; this is the basis of ’employability skills’.  I suppose a lot of businesses now do some form of psychological testing, but in a previous job the psychologist was madder than most of us!

But, the assessment of these ’employability skills’ can not be subjective and must be objective and open to testing and scrutiny – hence, something that is based only on observable, quantifiable, recorded and perhaps even sustained behaviour (after all we are all allowed the occasional bad day – just not involving assaults, guns or death!)

One of the headings under the employability skills I used was Judgement.

The general description was:

This employability skill involves balancing big picture thinking with a focus on the ‘here and now’ ensuring adequate deliberation without delaying decision making, considering the broader impact, achieving compromise, making impartial, informed decisions and using intellect in the decision making process.

These sort of ‘trendy worded’ motherhood statements are of course a great reason to shit-can someone you don’t like – or to promote/employ your mate. The entire paragraph is open to interpretation.

So, with any observable thing you have to be able to record what you observe – plus it is good to know what you are looking for or equally important what they are not doing.

The observable behaviour to indicate good or bad judgement I used were:

  • Understands information which may impact upon long term goals or directions.
  • Pulls together ideas, issues and observations in order to reach a conclusion.
  • Recognises patterns between current data and past situations by observing discrepancies, trends and interrelationships, bringing a fresh approach to recurring problems.
  • Uses sound judgement in selecting a course of action for goals by logically weighing up alternatives.
  • Uses information systems and technology to effectively problem solve.
  • Supports calculated risk taking.
  • Demonstrates a solution focus.
  • Evaluates strengths, accuracy and quality of decisions.
  • Identifies weaknesses of approach, inaccuracy of detail and ineffective decisions.
  • Takes corrective action by identifying a more effective approach, process or outcome.
  • Accepts responsibility and accountability for decisions.

I found that there is nothing better in helping people (read helping them, not shit canning them!) become better at just about any task, than to actually be able to give them examples and explain what they did wrong or more importantly what they did right.

e.g: (using one of the above ‘observable behaviours’)

“John (fictional character), In looking at your performance lately it would appear that you are having some difficulty in making appropriate judgement calls.  In a recent matter things were going off track through no fault of your own, yet it appeared you were not able to take the appropriate corrective actions to solve the problem and work towards a more effective approach.  What can we do to improve you ability to show good judgement in these circumstances in the future”

 

Or (and better – see my post on Better an Appreciative Question)

 

“John (fictional character – not related to the John above who is a bit of a fuck up!), In looking at your performance lately you have made some good judgement calls.  In a recent matter things were going off track through no fault of your own, yet you were able to take the appropriate corrective actions to solve the problem and work towards a more effective approach.  Tell us the process you used for this as I think it is a real attribute you have and could help the company and other employees in the future.”

Of course all the appropriate detail regarding what the ‘problem’ was and the specific observations made should be included.

I think any assessment, judgement of anyone must be a matter of facts.

The old adage of ‘not telling a book by it’s cover’ is easy to agree with but often hard to do, when we first have to get rid of our own prejudices, first impressions, rumours, personal preferences and most of all deciding to treat someone the way we would like to be treated ourselves.

Of course this takes into account that we all can’t be astronauts and some people will only need to learn the phrase “do you want fries with that” to lead a happy and productive life.  But, we have to stop promoting people to their highest level of incompetence – even if they are our friend or a friend of a much higher friend, or their, God forbid, a boy/girl friend of a friend!)  Likewise the person we don’t like may actually be the best person for the job and our only real worry is that their next promotion is actually into our job.

Judgement is about observation and objectivity, not subjectivity and suspicion.

Judgement is also about practicing judgement, learning that we are doing it on facts and observations and nothing else.

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I have previously written in Better at Scams that ‘intiution’ can play a part in the reasons we ‘feel’ that something is right, or in the scam situation wrong; but, is it something we should act on – probably yes, as intuition if used properly, has said to us this needs a bit more looking at – that’s when we seek the facts.  Most times you will find that you were right (or at least something was different to how at first glance it was perceived – the cover of the book always gets us!)
It might be that feeling, that inkling, which makes us think:
– That CV just looks too good…
– I like them, but…
– I don’t like them, why…
This is intuition, working with judgement, not instead of it.
I suppose I am all in favour of the ‘better person’ getting the job, the promotion, the opportunity, but this so often does not seem to be the case.
I also think no-body likes being judged, but there are just circumstances in life where this happens – it is just easier to accept, when we know we have been treated fairly in a way that can be explained to us.
Being the judge or being judged is always a big judgement call –  business is always business, but sometimes it is the better man who realises it is more about the people than positions (or especially the politics).

 

 

Better – Yes? – No?

Okay, enough is enough.

What am I talking about – well, yes, no.  How can you start a sentence with a positive and a negative. (Yeah, Narr, also counts!)images-1

I am sorry that I brought this to your attention, because now you can’t ‘unknow” it.   I hope it drives you as crazy as it does me – and if you do it, can you stop, please!

At least it replaced the answer “pretty much” – which was also neither Yes or No.

Because, you know, like, it, like, was just as, like, you know, like, annoying!

PS: I used to say ‘here’s the thing’ a lot at the beginning of sentences – sorry – I am better now.

 

Better in The Whole World

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YOUR WORLD

 

“Take any opportunity to live overseas or at least interstate.  This is not going on a holiday but living there.  Learn to be independent: enjoy your own company: miss home (and cherish it every time you return – hug your Mum). Experience another culture: eat their food; speak their language.  Make friends with the world, the people in it, but mainly with yourself.  Love the diversity of the world and appreciate it vastness; don’t feel small, feel a part of it.”

I wrote the above as ‘advice to my past self” hoping that it would be advice to my kids – this is the first time they may actually read it, except that they are not yet old enough to bother caring about what we parents actually do in our lives.

This piece of advice to me is because now, as I am older, I realised that the world is just out there waiting; but, being older the hills are steeper, the treks longer, the plane flights torture, my medication constantly gets me strip searched at airports and I don’t look so good in a swim suit anymore.  Yeah, I do now have the money and time to do it, but one commodity is finite and the other doesn’t matter – I just hope I spend both to the max!

I think there are seasons for travelling in your life – one season is over for me but another is about to start.

Another short post as the above really already says what I want to say.

My world, your world, our world – is being a better man, just the process of realising this.

Better give up Hope

I heard a comment the other day (okay, I can’t remember where – maybe the voices in my head!) that faith and hope are the same thing.49-29588_Tin_Plaques_Faith_Hope

The comment stuck in my head and yesterday when the wheel fell off of our caravan (literally) on the way to a much anticipated family holiday; hope was what I had when I started ringing around to try and get it fixed as quick as possible.

As a side issue, most of the ‘caravan repairers’ were really helpful and all but one could get us in for repairs in the first week of February – the other one had nothing open until March!!!!

I started to lose hope when I started thinking about hope.

I wrote in my post Better Giving Presents about what I had received from my Mum, I had received:

FAITH
It came in so many parts, and we had to put it together ourselves.

 

I found a very small box in the back of the cupboard, which I had lost a few times over the years, but you kept finding it for me.  It was HOPE.

 

Even I differentiated between faith and hope in the above.  I did a bit of a Google search and waded through a few phylosophy and religious sites and other than being more confused (and having to look up too many words in the dictionary) I decided, as I usually do, it’s all about me, so what do I really think.

I thought about it and decided….

Hope is rubbish – hope is like fear (see Fear is Not Real) it is a feeling, although it probably is a positive one, it is a false one, it is a feeling about something that is not happening now and may never happen – e.g. I hope I will the lottery!

Faith is something you have NOW.

This faith cannot be about things that have not happened or may never happen – faith just is – it is not based, nor does it have to be on anything other than what you are feeling right now.  Faith is always a Yes No question and answer – if it’s a maybe, then it is not faith.

I thought about a few Yes No things in my life that I don’t hope about, I just know right now they exist – I have faith:

  • I love my wife, she loves me
  • God exists
  • My kids are okay
  • Possessions don’t matter
  • I will die
  • Life really is wonderful
  • I know who my real friends are

I could go on, as I usually do, but I think you get the idea.

I want to hope for things, people, countries, even myself and family, but it is a waste of ‘feelings’ – it is a wish.

I hope I pass my last exam.
I have faith I will pass my exam as I did the work and studied hard.

The one thing about something not turning out that you hoped for is that to a certain extent it abrogates the responsibility onto someone else – faith is all about you.

I have commented before that I do not, read do not, believe in the power of 300px-Albrecht_Dürer_-_Praying_Hands,_1508_-_Google_Art_Projectprayer. (see a full ramble about what I believe at the page My Religion) To me it is the ultimate religious scape goat where faith and hope get confused and adulterated for the purpose of religion.  To me it is a logical conclusion that prayer is pointless as we were given one thing, the most important thing – free will.  If God controls everything and knows everything that is going to happen then free will is a myth – logically then so is prayer!

As Des would say “God is a black lesbian, as no man would be so cruel!”

I don’t think God is cruel – we have free will so we already have everything we need we just have to work it out (without praying for divine intervention – as there isn’t any).

Leave the ants in the ant farm long enough and they will eventually build a Space Shuttle.

So, hope, wishing, has nothing to do with faith – the ultimate faith is that it is all hear and it is up to us to do something good, better, with it.

Better at Flying Helicopters

In a post a while ago (Better Experience the Presents) I told the story of how we give ‘experiences’ to our kids for Christmas instead of presents – the experience lasts a lifetime (not like the screen on an iPhone!) and when we talk about what happened the Christmas before, all the kids remember the ‘experience’ but not anything else they may have received (which by the way, considering the cost of some of the experiences, is not much!).

This year we all went on a helicopter ride at Lyndoch (see their site at : http://www.barossahelicopters.com.au/ or Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/BarossaHelicopter) – we got a great special including the ride, a glass of wine (after!) and a small picnic snack.  Plus the property the rides are on and the facilities, are fantastic (the staff were also friendly and helpful – real customer service!)Screen shot 2015-01-05 at 9.23.32 PM

The ride wasn’t very long, but it was an experience!

We had a female helicopter pilot who had been flying for 9 years and it was her families’ business – it was pretty cool.  As we took of and flew around I notices our pilot, who was talking to us at the time (I got to wear a real pilots headset and felt like “Maverick” in Top Gun), was manipulating both hands, on different controls and both feet on separate pedals.  I asked her if she was even conscious of the little movements she was making to keep us steady and going the way we were supposed to?  That’s when she told us she had been flying for nine years and a lot of it was natural but, she was always conscious of the helicopters movements, the wind, the speed, the height etc etc.  I watched her for a lot of the flight fascinated at her natural and obviously skilled ability.  Our touch down was perfect (as was the take off – we were in the air before I really knew it) and it was a great experience.

I told the kids after our flight and theirs about all the hand eye co-ordination by our pilot.  Later on the way home we were talking about driving and how even when I was conscious (and even looking) at my hands on the steering wheel I was making little movements and counter movements to keep the car going straight – I, unlike the helicopter pilot only had a few controls, but, like the helicopter pilot was subconsciously making these adjustments – I was actually fascinated by my hands moving as I wasn’t really consciously doing it even when I was looking at them and paying attention.

I remembered, and reminded the kids when they were learning to drive, how they would jerk the wheel back and forth just to keep the car in a straight line – I was later speaking to a mate and he said he didn’t move his hands – I said have a look next time you drive.

I have tried to teach the kids how to drive.  We went on country roads and I even got them to drive into the dirt with 2 wheels and then get back onto the bitumen to know what it feels like.

I got to thinking as I do….

The helicopter pilot and us driving our cars is a lot like how we go about our days.  We make the little adjustments, often without thinking about them.  It might be to take the kids somewhere they only advised you about 2 minutes before, even though they have known about it for weeks – of course, this is just as you were about to get into the shower or have that glass of wine after work…. or it might be taking that phone call from a friend, and you listening for half an hour, when you really just want to finish reading your book…. Or a 1000 other little interruptions in your daily life….. it’s all about the adjustments.Screen shot 2015-01-05 at 9.21.24 PM

Sometimes we get a gust of wind, or we run our wheels into the dirt but if we have practiced, perhaps if we were taught right in the first place,  and perhaps if we take the time occasionally to notice our life, we are able to take these things in our stride and make the adjustments – some big, some small, some we just do without thinking.

It is occasionally good to notice the little adjustments we are making (remember to watch you hands next time you are driving!) and perhaps say, I reckon I am doing alright and have a bit of skill here, that I didn’t notice before – you are allowed to occasionally be proud of yourself.

The little adjustments are perhaps like trying to be a better man – you are doing it, but don’t always notice.

Better as the World Goes On – Life

I am getting an early start to my day and organising all the ‘stuff’ that has to be done in any ‘normal’ day.

Is it a normal day.

A couple of weeks ago my friend Des and my Mum passed away.
Today and yesterday and the day before bush fires rampaged (I got that word off the media) through the Adelaide Hills.

All devastating, catastrophic, scary, tragic, terrible……

Then I realised I had to book my car in for a service – I managed to get an appointment for today – I was happy and relieved as we leave for our annual family holiday to York Peninsula on Wednesday.  I hadn’t had time to do it before because…. well, life got in he way.

Then I realised life just goes on.life-goes-on

In 2004 (really, 10 years ago!) was the Boxing Day Tsunami in the Indian Ocean killing 230,000 people – ten years ago, how many car services have there been since then?

Today people in the Adelaide Hills are facing another day of fear, perhaps loss and our firefighters, Police, SES, volunteers are all working in risky situations. (By the way, I’ve seen more humanity, bravery, compassion and charity during these fires than I have all year – and barely a political or sporting ‘hero’ to be seen)

And…… Life goes on.

I suppose each day is a new day and as Des would say ‘We’re still here.’

The world does go on and perhaps when times are tough we feel our own pain and in that pain notice (often to our amazement!) that the world goes on despite our pain – actually almost in spite of our pain!

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It all Reminded me of a quote from the movie The Shawshank Redemption “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

This is a just quick post, as I have to feed the cat.

 

Better with Richie

I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful group of friends (except the ones who ask me to help them do stuff – see Friday’s post – Better at Obligations).

I also have this group of friends who are around my age (early 50’s) who are single.

I just don’t get it.

Yeah, there are a couple of them (both men and women) who I would not wish on my worst enemy or friend – but, the majority are people who I think, why are you single, does the world, or that special individual, know who you really are?

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Which gets me to the point of this post; let me tell you about my friend Richie.

Richie is 50 years old, actually has a very good job, owns his own home in the city, cooks and is about the only mate who I let help me with stuff – because Richie is one of those guys who actually (really) know’s stuff.  Plus, every time I spend time with Richie, I learn stuff about him where I go “WTF”.  Just as a bit of an example, I have known Richie for 15 years and learned the following things about him in the last 15 months:

  • Richie’s qualifications are, he is boilermaker welder (though that wasn’t enough so did structural steel enginering – he said he did this as he was interested!), he then wanted to know more, so did degrees in accounting and engineering… but, he was still interested and did Certificate IV’s in metal trade, basic business, crime scene investigation and upholstery (He did this obviously because he was interested!)
  • Richie is a single Dad who looks after his three kids after his wife left him after 22 years because she didn’t want to be married anymore – he gets not maintenance.  One of his kids is autistic – he’s 22 and I think he is a great bloke, like his Dad (and because of his Dad).
  • Richie likes pistol shooting and hunting – but does all his hunting in vermin control with National Parks and Wildlife – and, he also volunteers in helping them out with wildlife surveys and conservation projects.
  • Richie is friendly – he just gets on with people and can have a conversation with anyone.
  • Richie is funny and laughs (genuinely laughs with you not at anyone!).
  • I found out today that Richie went for his pilots licence a few years ago but realised he didn’t have time – Really!!!!
  • Richie helps people (even those that don’t pay him back).

I don’t get it – why aren’t women chasing Richie?

Okay, Richie was married for 22 years and can do with some assistance with his wardrobe (I told him to not wear those sandals – even though they are sold in ‘outdoor’ shops and are supposed to be rugged!).  I also told him to stop appearing so desperate (and I don’t think this is even a fault – but over exuberant – surely that’s not a fault?) – but, he just wants someone to share his unique, interesting, funny, fun, caring, giving life with.

So this post is really about Richie, but it is also about all those good people out there who are looking for love.  When I say love I mean love – I am sure, and know that a lot of my friends in this boat don’t want another ‘special friend’ who says your wonderful – like a brother/sister!  I know before I met my wife I thought I was going to live a pretty lonely life and the best I could hope for was to meet another woman who hates me and give her a house!

But, I think it is out there for all of us – it just has to come at the right time, and we have to be prepared for the surprise appearance and perhaps allowing someone to come into our safe life – we may actually have to take a chance.

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Bearing in mind in todays world, or more to the point the world that the mediathrow at us everyday on the TV, internet and in the newspapers, people are often scared that something is not what it seems and the most likely outcome is that I well get ‘hurt’ – or what the media really want you to think, ripped off, maimed, mutilated, murdered – and of course it will be a catastrophe and devastating – but no problem there is always a ‘hero’, usually a sporting one!

Richie is a better man and continues to be better and better – I am a bit old for mentors, but if I had to have a list of role models and multi-mentors, Richie would get picked up in the first round – just don’t wear those sandals!

Maybe being a better man is knowing there are better men out there and being happy that they are prepared to hang around with you – and perhaps teach you some stuff.