There is a quiet confidence people have when it comes to alcohol, and it usually sounds something like this. “I’ll be right.”

Two drinks, maybe three. A bit of food. A good sleep. A coffee in the morning. A shower to freshen up. A quick self-assessment based on how you feel, and off you go, convinced that you have successfully navigated what you believe is a fairly simple equation.

The problem is, it is not an equation at all. It is a guess, dressed up as logic.
(Note bottom right corner of the image below?!)

My offence involved residual alcohol from the night before, and while that does not excuse anything, it does highlight something that I think is worth saying clearly. Alcohol does not leave your system according to your opinion of how it should behave.

It is affected by your body, your metabolism, what you drank, how much you drank, what you ate, how you slept, your health, your age, and probably a few other factors that most of us never consider when we are confidently deciding that we are “fine.”

That feeling of I’m okay saw me blow 0.67 at 6:45 am in the morning after 8 hours sleep, a shower, a coffee and good feeling about the day I was setting out to conquor.

The Reality Most People Ignore… including the ‘past me.’

Government advice gives general guidance, and it has its place, but it is not a personalised calculation. It cannot be. It is broad by necessity, and people tend to take that broad advice and narrow it down to suit themselves. It’s like sending a text advising someone that something is VERY IMPORTANT! You send the text, and upon pressing send in your mind you have discharged all your responsibility.

That is where the problem starts.

The only truly safe position is simple, and I say this now with the benefit of experience I would have preferred not to have had. If there is any doubt, do not drive. That is not dramatic. It is not over the top. It is just practical. With all the education we are provided through fear campaigns, with all the guidelines, such as the old slogan ‘four men and women two’ it comes down to our choice.

I learned that lesson the hard way, and I would much rather someone else learn it the easy way by reading this and thinking twice the next time they find themselves doing the same mental arithmetic I did.

There is a a lesson here of great humility in what happened to me. It is not a pleasant realisation, or one without public embarrassment, personal shame or moments of profound regret.

What’s more I am not a ‘selfish prick’…. notwithstanding the sexist implications of this government led ‘band-aid’ campaign. I am sure everyone has a story where they ask the Police to ‘breatho’ them and have been refused.

My Experiment: When I was doing drug and alcohol testing in the workplace (Yes, I know the irony…) and after I got pinched the first time for drink driving. I sat around the table with a group of mates for a ‘test.’ I had very expensive accurate alco-testing equipment. We all had one full strength beer over 30 minutes, waited 10, and tested. I was approaching 0.04. Two mates were still zero. One was 0.01 and another 0.02. This turned out not to be a test, but a realisation that the ‘BIG MISTAKE’ of driving over the limit was different for all of us.

Advertising campaigns by the Government, the Police etc. etc, are not education campaigns, they are scare tactics based on sound science BUT that is grossly different science for each of us.

I have now learned that my body dissipates alcohol at a rate far, far slower than others. I learned the hard way and never tested for it when I had all the equipment. Why would I?

I fell for this fallacy…..

I had a few drinks the night before, in the morning I was feeling great, I had a good nights sleep, a shower and a coffee. I was ready to take on the day.

In the end, it was me that was just taken down.

I don’t know what the solution is. I know it’s not calling people pricks.

(Not written by AI – © Ian Schlein)