I was chatting with a friend this morning and we were talking about an old 1938 radio play based on HG Wells “War of the Worlds”.  The play was structured like rolling news broadcasts of an alien invasion.  It created panic as people believed it was true (just to note, even during the news broadcast there were advertisements – which people apparently didn’t think was strange that they were being advised of a new dish washing liquid as the world was coming to an end?!).

We also started chatting about how most science fiction movies show that we are only invaded by completely incompetent aliens who we usually manage to defeat in a week or two!  Always remembering that these aliens have managed to travel across light years of space to invade us, in technology beyond our dreams, yet we manage to defeat them by putting a computer virus into their systems, with a X Box – usually by a 10 year old and his tear-away class mates.

It troubles me that we would consider any invasion by aliens to be by dumb aliens when we look around ou own planet.

I think any alien invasion would only go in a couple of ways:

1. They would wipe us out from space and land after the dust settles and claim the planet now devoid of life.
2. They would fly straight past (like we do when looking for a motel in a small country
   town on our holiday…) commenting – “We’re not staying in that shit hole!”
3. If they were really benevolent aliens wanting us to join the intergalactic community, they would land, attempt to have a chat with us, and then fly off commenting “What a bunch of fuck heads!”

I can’t see our first contact going too many other ways.  We are basically belligerent children all arguing over toys we don’t need, but just want, so no-one else can have them.

I think it is strange that we, the human race, would think that any intergalactic alien race would want to be our friends…

What have we go to offer as a ‘new friend’.  I would imagine after a few weeks of being the new aliens friends they would be talking to there old galactic mates, behind our backs at the interstellar bar saying things like:

Yeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole.  They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.

 

I can’t stand it.  They are always fighting, and it’s usually about sharing and who has the most toys.

 

At parties they always take the biggest bit of cake, and it’s usually the fat ones who do it.

 

Have you had them over.  Mostly they arrive when they are not invited, they never bring anything except a bad attitude;  they start a fight, usually wreck the place and leave us to clean up.

 

Has anyone met their mate Someone, or They?  Apparently these two blokes are the cause of all their troubles and fuck everything up.

I think if I was an alien I wouldn’t want us as a mate.

If it was me, I’d drive on by or nuke the place from space.

PS:  I was thinking that was a pretty negative note to end on so I have reconsidered.  I hope when they arrive they conduct individual job interviews for entry into the galactic community – it would be interesting to see who gets a job and who is left behind?  Seeing Nibiru (the mystery planet) didn’t arrive on the 23rd, and the world didn’t end 5 years ago in 2012, I suppose we all have a little bit of time to build our individual resumes…