Category Archives: Better Mindfulness

A Good Man: Takes Responsibility for His Actions

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Yesterdays blog was about forgetting the ‘better man project’ and just being a good man – everyday.

Everyday is a long time – it is now and it is always.

You can’t have a bad day as a good man and hurt people and then say sorry and think it will be okay. Saying sorry is a good start but that taking responsibility for your actions is the actual action that you need to take.

I remember when we were all saying sorry for something we didn’t think we were responsible for… I always used the analogy of having a cold….

“Sorry you feel bad with your cold” – as opposed to…

“I apologise you have a cold” – but it’s not my fault so why apologise.

An apology is taking responsibility for your actions – “sorry about that” is all very nice and really has no answer, or complaint, but is it taking responsibility – I vote no.

I want to be a good man and take responsibility for my actions on a daily basis. But, there is a catch. Apologise freely, or better still stop and don’t do that thing that I might have to apologise for in the first place – that is the good man.

The good man today does not wipe out the not so good man of yesterday. It does also not wipe out all the ‘sorries’ when there should have been ‘apologies.’

In thinking about this, I wondered is is all that apologising and saying sorry really doing anything – is anyone really any better for it?

The answer that continued to boom through my head was ‘Yes”.

Not that long ago I was contacted by someone that I had wronged a long time ago – for all those years I put it down to good old youthful exuberance. They told me what I had done had hurt them for years and it was a horrible time in their life. I said sorry… I hope I apologised. But, most of all I realised that neither of these things seemed enough. I dont know what to do to make up for this wrong – but, I do know the universe will tell me when that time is and I will have to pay the piper – and I will pay him gladly.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be a hard pill to swallow – you can choke on it and it may kill you. It may kill the construct of the person you thought you were – it may kill your ego. These are things we don’t risk in our modern dog eat dog life.

But, and there is always a but….

In my ‘Dr Google’ research I came across something interesting in all my searches about taking responsibility for your actions… and it was in the Alcoholic’s Anonymous 12 steps program… (these are a few of the 12 and in actual order but with a few edited out – do a search and next time you may be kinder to someone who you think is, or is, an alcoholic – they are undertaking something much harder than any pretend better man project…)

  1. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  2. Make a list of persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  3. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

So, the battling drunk up the street may just be a good man (or woman) trying to undertake the recompense for a life not so well led. … and if you want to baulk at the God bit, just think about editing that out instead of trashing the entire sentence – perhaps it is easier to not get passed the ‘God bit’ because you then can avoid the ‘ourselves’ bit.

When you think about their list it can be overwhelming – when you think about your list it may be a surprise – when I think about my list, especially those closest to me, it is staggering.

I am following the 12 steps and it may not be God even to me, but the Universe is always watching – it is where we came from and where we will go back to. Remember there may be one molecule in your body that was once the heart of a star – and that is a legacy that deserves recognition and somehow, somewhere, a sense of awe!

I want each day to not be about being the better man sometime in the future and to hell with my past in getting there, well getting there tomorrow.

I want want each day to be about me being a good man and acknowledging that yesterday has a whole lot of responsibilities that I have to also take responsibility for and when I can ‘I apologise’ and do what I can to make amends.

Some days this may sting, but often the acknowledgement takes no more than will and acceptance … and that may not be pretty.

I have been a good man today and I accept all the responsibilities for my wrongs of all the yesterdays to here… I will be a good man tomorrow and make amends where I can.

Bye the way – I do not think this is a task, I think it is a privilege – because we, I, am still here to do it.

Being a Good Man

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Well this is a realisation.

The ‘better man project’ is a myth.

Each day I have convinced myself that I am on the path to being a better man; yet that day of fulfilment is always in the future – I will be a little bit better today and a little bit better tomorrow etc etc etc – well etc, ad infinitum until you get to the point that you convince yourself that each little ‘better bit’ will lead to some unattainable position of better – but of course after that you can always be a little better.

… and of course because in you, in your idea of where you are going and what you are doing is the problem that each little bit of better you disguise to yourself as deserving some credit and acknowledgement for the effort – irrespective of the outcome – which overall may not be better…

Today, the only day I have and the only day I am living – actually I am only living this actual moment right now…. I need, now, to be a good man.

I can plan to be better tomorrow which always provides the excuse of not being the good man today, now, in this moment.

It is a big realisation that the construct of my personality that I have created – as in ‘this is me’ is in actual fact a construct of something I will be tomorrow – in that I will be better tomorrow so it is okay to not be so ‘better’ today.

It is easy to be a better man tomorrow – it is hard to be a good man right now, especially when things are not going well, or you are hurting or …. well there are 1000 reasons why we tell ourselves it is okay to behave in a certain way today because tomorrow….?

It is a little difficult to change an entire blog to ‘Being a Good Man (Now)’, but labels are often just there so that we can feel our place – URL’s are just there so we can find a web page – and so often that is a place we have created so that we can feel empowered.

As with all things I decided to seek ‘Dr Google’ to advise me of the characteristics of a good man… there were a lot of URL’s that got a hit – actually 600,000,000! I think, and feel, that what defines a good man must come from within – and with perhaps a little help from the universe; so I will thank Dr Google for its 600 million ideas and define my good man characteristics from my heart, my mind, my soul, my universe and hopefully when the next search for ‘define a good man’ ends up on someones desk top they too can find it themselves and define themselves as a good man from within – because, after all that is really where the good man emerges from or hides.

So, I think the better man project has taken a paradigm shift – I will always try and be better tomorrow, it is hopefully the nature of all of us – but today, this day, this moment, now, I will be a good man.

A good man is:

  1. Honest

Better ….. the best Daughters

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Don’t know if I mentioned I almost died from an aneurysm a few days before Christmas….

If I had have died imagine how that would have stuffed up Christmases for the entire family for…. well, forever….  What a terrible day that would have been “Oh, here’s the new blouse you wanted, and oh yeah, this is the day Dad died!”    Horrible!

I know I am going to die before my daughters.  Well that is what all parents wish and I can’t imagine otherwise….  I have a mate who’s 24 year old son recently died from cancer….  the world will never be the same again and most definitely never seem fair.

….. and I must digress here …. by saying that friends do not show up when it’s convenient or easy but they are just there when it is hard….  I am trying to do that for my mate above.

So I spent a few days in hospital, well actually three weeks, and although it wasn’t exactly a piece of cake for me, I know it was hard, maybe more so (as I was zonked out on oxy most of the time – the only time I ever had access to that many drugs was after midnight down Hindley Street talking to a bloke called Guido!), for my friends, family, wife and daughters.

I can’t thank my wife enough…. but that is another blog and probably a bit more between me and her.  A lot of the people I have to thank have received a little special thank you in the post – well maybe not yet as the old mail with a pen and paper really is as slow as a snail.  I often ask myself why I still write letters and send cards – but then again I did have a brain aneurysm so talking to myself has become somewhat the norm – and I agree!

My little blog today is also not about my friends  – who many fulfilled the above little saying of being there when it was hard.  … and a lot were smart enough to not be there and fill my hospital room, read my magazines and steal my chocolates….  but called later when the dust settled and I could actually remember them either being there or talking to me!

My daughters…  the ones that I thought I was here to protect, suddenly were there
protecting me, holding me up, making me proud of the young women they had become… so one night I wrote the following:

My Daughters

When I was on the edge of life,
When I wavered,
When I was scared,
When I feared for the future,

 Angels appeared,
… and they were my Daughters.

They lifted me up,
They led me back,
I am alive, and I am grateful.

 My daughters,
… such strength
… and grace
… such unconditional love.

Their gift of my life,
I am humbled and proud.
Thank You.

… and more so, I am grateful that I am here to write this and tell them in person, everyday.

Better Happiness

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Happiness is a very interesting concept.  Once you ask yourself if you are happy you cease to be so…  Plus, if you were actually happy why would you do anything that could endanger that – it would be silly!

Just lately I have been chatting to people and attempting to gauge their ‘happiness.’   I never ask them in case they are happy and as above, by asking them they would cease to be happy…  I think?

A lot of the people I note are very busy.  They have stuff to do and places to go, and this and that needs to be done,  usually yesterday and of course there is always a meeting that can’t be missed and they have to rush to…  (you may be interested in reading my guide to meetings by clicking here – remember any good meeting is a great alternative to actually working!).

I was writing something else the other day in another place (do you know how expensive spray cans are these days!) and it goes like this….

”  … life goes on; it tumbles down a hill without thought or
often reason and we ride the avalanche of information, obligation and need;  but wait, stop and you see all the scenery that was racing past and you get to watch it for a moment;  You flail your arms and grab at moments going by.  You stumble, roll and fall but bounce right back up again and continue at a greater pace.  You realise the endless movement is not necessarily progress and the deafening noise is all in your head;  after all it is not the ground giving way under you….  the never ending momentum that you are caught up in is because you are actually running.”

Perhaps, happiness is those fleeting moments, a grab at the passing scenery, a flash of beautiful colour out the corner of your eye.  And, perhaps if you do it often enough and find that running is actually fun as well, then happiness is already here – its just that you have to notice and appreciate it for what it is.

… and finally if you are doing so much running it is nice to be actually going somewhere and be looking forward to a destination …

 

 

Better at Spam

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I suppose people who regularly read my blog (both of you) will be expecting a great exposé of my recent stay in hospital and my ‘near death experiences’…..  well that’s what I logged on for …… and perhaps my usual writings in themselves are spam….  but,

…. and then I logged on and found my web site had been hit by over 250 spam messages and my in box had over 400 emails emails…..   (not withstanding this shitting me off I did get a real bargain on a penis enlarger and I am currently speaking to a manager from a bank who has this lost inheritance….  but more on that later….)

I wanted to write something profound about death and life and the above just made me think perhaps most of our lives are ‘spam’…. and I don’t mean the canned meat!

Spam is defined by the font of all knowledge, Google as:

spam

noun
irrelevant or unsolicited messages sent over the Internet, typically to a large number of users, for the purposes of advertising, phishing, spreading malware, etc.


TRADEMARK
a tinned meat product made mainly from ham

verb
send the same message indiscriminately to (a large number of Internet users).

I am glad the definition included the tinned variety as in fact this is where the origin of the word spam for electronic spam comes from – disgusting and fascinating at the same time – I’ll let you research that yourself!

So, how do I get fascinated with spam after having a brain aneurism – well I actually don’t but that is what permeates our lives and appears to be the main motivator for most things we do.  Surely most of the time we are being spammed either by the advertisers, the government and the alleged news services and of course the Merchants of Misery which is anyone associated with the Media.  Are we living OUR life.

I kept a little journal which started a few days after I got out of intensive care (thanks to my sister Cheryl who flew in from Perth to assist in my care – she knows me and knows I love to write – so be warned the ramblings of a post op heavily drugged and medicated muse will be filling my upcoming posts…!!!) and in this little journal one day I wrote….
Afterglow of tragedy,
Fades in direct comparison to the minute by minute
Requirement to deal with the mundane.
It is a strange realisation when you face tragedy that the world actually goes on – mostly unmoved, unconcerned and definitely it is not going to give you any special consideration for you troubles.

But, of course this has always happened;  it is just in the moment that it happens to you that you often notice for the first time – but, this too fades as…… you guessed it, ‘life goes on’.   …… and you do to…..  but, really is it the same?

I wrote a fair bit during my hospital stay and I have been asked to not publish it here as someone actually thinks it might be better than a series of drug induced ramblings….  but if not now, when, for who and most of all why?   So dead friends, now and in the future, I remember you, and us, and me…..

DEAD FRIENDS

Is it the wrong end of life
It it the end or just a new pace and place

Are these old friends
Or dead friends
Or just the new normal and the now of our life

Funerals are not sad now
The food is better now
The company seems more important now

Are these the same friends
Are they from when life was different
When it was serious
And we were serious
Are we in the wrong place

Are the unsaid things now said
Undone is now never
And what’s more not regretted
Or required
Or missed

I am still here
You are still here
We are still here
Do we notice
Handshakes
Next time, maybe me or you

I don’t think we notice.

Better at Being Old People

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Visited Nana, Dad, Mum, Grandpa the other day….  Was sitting at McDonalds and an old couple came in….  I saw an old couple walking down the Mall….  Met my mates Nana, Dad, Mum, Grandpa …..

…. and all the fuck I wanted to do was get away, politely and stop myself from gagging!

Why are you wearing those clothes…  Why do you have food down the front of those clothes….  Why are you telling me about your last operation or visit to the doctor…  Why do you keep saying “when I was young”….  and what the fuck is that smell!!!

Is this deliberate; it must be deliberate – if so you win…  if not, it is just sad and annoying…

Being old is a privilege (let me write another blog post about all my young dead friends and family….) – this privilege entitles you to live in the world with the rest of us… but it does not give you the right to live in the past and annoy me in the present.

… and the past is not coming back, and yes, I know you worked hard and did it hard and in your day this and that and please kill me now if you tell me one more time about how good the good old days were….

Well the ‘good’ days today are of your making:  although you deny it, you made this world and now we have to live in it and you keep telling us about how good your world was and how someone else fucked it up, not you, ….. and somehow we are responsible….  and not only that you wont get out of the way!

I know this is all terribly unkind and disrespectful to the elderly…. but, I would love to hear about how you solved a problem, or overcame adversity, or suffered a loss, or had an adventure, or what your world was really like….. without boring me to death, or whinging, or lecturing me.

I have had many an old mate, some of my best mates were and are 30+ years older than me… and I am old.  Did they bore me, no!  Did they tell me about their scheduled doctors appointment, no!  Did they complain about the world, no!

They revelled in their old age, they embraced the present and shared wisdom and humour… they transcended age and shared the thought that took years in the making… and they shared loyalty, honour, grace that only comes with time and experience.  They told their stories and never lectured, boasted or complained….  they grew old with acceptance and gratitude.

I’m sorry, but, I am not sorry really; if you are old and have nothing good to say about then, now or the future, please remember the hand you dealt us in todays world which is of your making…. you had your chance now please, please, get out of the way…..

…. and especially you old men who wont let go of that small morsel of power you possess…..  Yes, yes, you worked hard for it…  Bullshit, mostly you just waited your turn…. merit wasn’t around remember it was seniority…

I still baulk at people when they tell me they were born in the 70’s, or 80’s… or even the 90’s and they are my doctor!  (Just think about it if you were born this century you are 18 years old this year….  I am telling old people to think about this!!)

Old people…. it is not your world anymore!!!

So you (we, me) are in our 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or even 80’s and are still working, still wanting, dare I say, to be in charge, hang around for that extra $10 of pension….  do us all a favour and retire or die…  you are in the way!   …. and if you can’t because you can’t afford it then look at the good old days and see how you wasted your money as you relied on your government pension which is now being taken away from you by either your peers or your children….  why?  Maybe it was the way they were brought up!

Okay, this is a nasty post….  but sometimes things just have to be said….. and it is now a published reminder that as I age, do so gracefully, with some degree of humility and with a resolve to guide, help, coach, facilitate and support the young of the world…. it is their world now and we have to get out of the way!

PS:  Make sure you remind me of this next time I bitch about those young bucks and their stupid clothes and dumb attitudes….

 

Better at Surviving the Apocalypse

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All the news is bad and I watch too many Zombie apocalypse movies… but, over the last few years a truck just ran through a crowd in France killing people (I was going to say including women and children but aren’t all lives valued the same – probably not?), a car in Melbourne did the same… and man with a knife etc etc etc…..   (Just a little fun fact about a few people dying from terrorists and a few crazies…. anyone remember the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami which killed over 240,000 people in 14 countries…..  can’t stop that one with a taser and a trolly!) 

I don’t think there is a great likelihood of there being a Zombie apocalypse or evil virus designed to wipe out the human race – but, I am sure there is some sort of war going on against us – and I mean all of us.  Plus, danger appears to be everywhere.

I am angry that the world is becoming (or is it just appearing to be…) such an unsafe and dangerous place, for us all to live in.  I write posts, I espouse threats, theories and rhetoric in the pub every chance I get, I like Facebook post that are angry,  and I get angry at the News (even though I have vowed to stop watching the it!)

But…. the big ‘but’ here is that I can do something about it; the other ‘but’ is I must decide what it is I am going to do – I have to have a plan.  So:

  1. I can decide to make a real difference, which would entail me dedicating my life to righting all these wrongs and really doing something about it.  I can join a lobby, protest and/or militant group to fight back.  I can run for politics and stand up.  I must be dedicated and fight with all I have, I mean everything – all else in my life must become secondary – to not do this just makes me another keyboard or pub warrior not making a difference but just making a noise….or
  2. I can do what I can and try and live my life the best I can.  What is doing what I can.  First of all it is stop talking and start doing, start paying attention to all the things I see in the world that make me crazy and start realising that it doesn’t all really mean anything until it happens to me, in my life, at my doorstep, to my family, to my friends (only close friends mind you!) – and, most of all be prepared (just like a Boy Scout).
  3. I can do nothing.

Interlude:  I got a little excited being a dooms dayer and realise I actually don’t really think this way all that much anymore…. this is one of my ‘draft posts‘ that I started after the truck ran through the crowd in France.  I was angry that anyone would do this…. and I was angry that this truck travelled over a kilometre and was crashing into cars, buildings, posts (and people) and still, people at the 900 metre mark were run over by SURPRISE (!) when the truck came up behind them.  I was angry at them for dying.  I was angry for them dying so badly.  Yeah, the first few hundred metres you can expect that people were  unexpecting….  but hundreds of metres later, with crashing and screaming and dying….  people were still oblivious to a truck smashing down a pedestrian walkway towards them – even if it was from behind….  I actually wonder how many died looking at their phones trying to start their video app so they could capture whatever was happening….   I think they just died badly… and worse…. oblivious and without really putting up a fight!

Interlude II :  I do feel sorry for all the people who have died in these terrible violent incidents we seem to be plagued with in our modern world…. but, just to put all that into perspective we ARE – read the following as a fact; you can research it and find I am right even if the media (the Merchants of Misery) don’t want you to think it….  we ARE living in the SAFEST, MOST PROSPEROUS, HEALTHIEST, period in human history – not just recent times, or centuries, but EVER! (CLICK HERE for a good article about the statistics involved).  So why are we all so afraid and convinced the world in on the brink of apocalypse….?

So where was I before the interlude(s)…..

I was going to attempt to survive the apocalypse, although it is unlikely it will happen, I still would not like to die oblivious and wearing my life jacket when the ship sinks.

Some years ago two of our children were involved in serious ‘survival’ situations that they were lucky to get out of, relatively unscathed…..  I thought, I am the doomsday prepper from way back, yet could not help my children when they needed me the most.  Why?  Because I wasn’t there and I had always planned on talking to them about ‘survival situations’ tomorrow….  well that day came, and guess what?  It caught us all by surprise!

So the next Christmas I gave the all the kids ‘survival packs’ for their cars…  Yes, I know it sounds crazy and paranoid, but they all carry them in their cars – and they love them, and they show their friends.

The packs have first aid, a few space blankets, some tools etc etc – the content is not really as important as the message.  …. and as a matter of fact the packs do contain a message in the form of the “Survival Manifesto”.  This is a short document which is the most important survival ‘tool’ in the pack.  It is a really simple message of staying alive when things go wrong by following the “Four Rules of Survival’:



I have noticed that when I ask people what is the first rule of survival, nobody gets it.

We often think of all those wonderful tips and tricks on the TV about survival, like building a fire, finding shelter, finding water etc etc – most of which most of us can’t really do in real life, in the real bush, in a real survival situation.

The one thing we never think about is not getting in that situation in the first place.

Now of course, this doesn’t help in surviving the apocalypse – because I am sure when it comes, the apocalypse that is, it will be beyond our control…. but most things in our day to day lives, even in those little moments which change the course of our lives, often, all we have to do is take a moment and think…. is this really a good idea?

Both situations involving my children could have been avoided, or at the very least minimised, if the first and perhaps the second rule of survival had been followed….

Also, survival as you can see is not about being able to build a hut from your boot laces and a mars bar wrapper – it is more about what is going on inside your head.

I know one thing.  The giving of the ‘eye rolling’ gift of the survival packs to my children and the highlighting of the above four rules make my kids, and me, and perhaps even you now that you have read this, more likely to survive ‘that situation’ (or perhaps even avoid it) than the vast majority of the world, who not only die, but unfortunately die badly and dumb.

I might write a few more articles about surviving the apocalypse from the ‘manifesto’ – but then again when times get tough, food is scarce and the shit has hit the fan, perhaps if there were less of us it would be easier…..

PS:  Statistically…..  if it is ‘every man for themselves’ usually 90 to 100% of people die – yet when everyone works together 90 to 100% survive….. can anyone guess what we humans do in 90% of survival situations……?  (I didn’t make this up and if you are interested a great book to read about historical survival situations is: “No Mercy – True Stories of Disaster, Survival and Brutality” by Eleanor Learmonth and Jenny Tabakoff)

 

 

Better a World of Punctuation and Pictures

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i have written a few posts over the last couple of days and read them to my wife this morning and she said they were okay and that is my problem i agreed that they are just okay nothing special and nothing that i was really proud to read out to her they just lacked that the translation of the image i had in my head into words that actually reflected what i was thinking a trying to get across i just didn’t see it in the words and the pictures in my head were fading and confused by the words on the page my wife asked if all my posts had to be perfect to which i replied have you seen the spelling in some of them perfection was not what i was after it was the feeling the quickening of the pulse of a thought the rise of emotion which unfortunately mostly was anger against some injustice or my perception of the world which overall i think is pretty fucked but actually it was that these things were not there there just wasn’t any punctuation or picture to my posts they were just a grey landscape of mediocre thought slowly poured onto the page like a stain not a statement i realised the world in pretty bland without punctuation and pictures we all know the old adage about the use of punctuation regarding helping uncle jack of a horse and the world is also pretty bland without pictures especially the ones we can create in our heads through imagination love laugher and the memories of wonderful or even hard moments so i think i will spend a bit of time punctuating my life with the things that are important and seeing the picture that life creates in beauty and joy and always remember it probably doesnt matter that much what i write here or what i say as it is ultimately about how i make people feel through action or more often than not the restrain of reaction

and a final exclamation mark

i just had my wife read this as it is a post that must be read and can not be read out to you she did not say anything and i said you hate it and she said i was trying to be profound and it did not work so therefore i must post it as that is what men do sometimes just to prove a point and other times for no other reason than we are men and this is what we do i will go back and review on a few of my draft posts i have been working on and see if i can make them as shit as this one i suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder and a picture tells a thousand words my wife told me my posts were too long so at least this one is shorter but more importantly when you wife has the honesty to tell you something you did is shit she is usually right!

Better Weathering the Storm

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I read some time ago that emotions are actually physical reactions, hardwired into us, whether it be genetically or from the reprogramming of our life experience…. I believe this.

Your ‘physical emotion’ then is perceived by your brain and an interpretation made….  this is individual.

If someone is tailgating me – my emotion is anger…. if someone is tailgating my wife – her emotion is nervousness.  Upon our brain interpreting the physical emotion we then create the feedback loop to our body of that interpretation – the body reacts to that, and then we escalate our physical response and the cycle continues.

If you catch your body providing you with an emotion, and you catch your mind making the learned interpretation… maybe it won’t be the same learned interpretation this time.

Maybe that anger at the tailgater can be seen differently…

“Shit, where did he come from.  Is that arsehole close enough.  That prick. I’ll fucking show him…….    Hang on buddy!  A minute ago I was driving to the shops and looking forward to a coffee – what has changed?  The way I am looking at it.  I am not actually angry….  Okay mate, you’re up my arse – for whatever reason, I’m sure its not going to affect my day I was enjoying 1 minute ago.  I’m slowing down, pulling to the side, way you go…. okay, thanks for the finger and mouthing of ‘fuck head’……   now where was I.  Oh, yeah, I think I’ll have a donut with my coffee….”

…. and you beat the body emotion.  It is gone… it is like a magic trick we were never taught and never knew how the rabbit got into the hat and suddenly found out.  It can’t be that easy – but it is.  It is will, and surrender – the will to do it and the surrender of a grievance whether real or imagined.  ….. and like magic I am on my way to a coffee and donut and looking forward to another stamp on my coffee card.

Sometimes we all feel to much – our bodies feel too much about too little and our mind get it wrong.

I wrote a little think to myself the other day about anxiety and depression….

You feel too much…

You appreciate your life too much…

You love too much…

You love the things and people in your life too much….

You actually feel too much about being alive….

It overwhelms you: life.

…. and in doing so;

You become overwhelmed and not overjoyed;

You think you are wrong in it;

Wrong for it;

It is you who is wrong and not worthy of this wonder.

And this, these thoughts,
Stop you from moving past the overwhelming into the joy of it all.

You have to weather this avalanche of emotion,
connection..
concern..
involvement…
and insight…
to peacefulness.

Through to peacefulness,
Through the moment.

How?
Through meditation – but, if that doesn’t come to you,
Through taking each moment in the moment without reaction;  weathering the storm without resistance,
Not tightening the sails against the wind or fighting the rudder – but running with it.

Run with the wind,
Surf down the face of the waves,
Breach the breaks,
and appreciate the troughs.

Why?
Because the storm will pass.
You will forget the storm.
The storm will never have happened except within yourself.
It was a dream you created…
… and when the calm comes;
… when the peacefulness engulfs you.

The anxiety never was; the depression imaginary.

Better at Achieving

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

What a stupid question to ask a 13 year old in their first year of high school – what a stupid question to ask a 17 year old just before they decide what University course they will take to shape the rest of their life.

I think I have spoke before about a question I ask my friends – all around my age (50s) – when I say if money wasn’t a problem and you couldn’t fail “What would you do?”  (I always say I would like to be an astronaut;  but, if I want to be realistic in this unrealistic question I discount that one – I choose my passion….)….  do you know the vast majority of my friends say “I don’t know?”   …… how sad.

Surely we all want to achieve and go about each day doing that – the problem is that we don’t know what it is that we want to achieve.

I suppose that’s why I think most of you are shit.  That’s why I think politicians, the Merchants of Misery (the Media), the retailers, the wholesalers, the farmers, the importers and exporters are all working towards stopping me from achieving what I want to do, what I want to be…. they are just all trying to fuck me up and are just getting in my way.

Then, not long ago actually (and possibly 45 years too late…)  I realised that I was the one that was shit – no-one was making me feel shit, I was choosing to feel shit.  No-one was getting in my way – I was the only one getting in my way.

I wasn’t achieving because I wasn’t, I just wasn’t;  I was to busy blaming everyone else for all the things I wasn’t doing.  The thing is that achieving is not getting a better job, a promotion, a new car, TV or house – all those things are transient, they all get old, they all break down or the new one comes out and we can’t afford that one either.

Just to let you know, you will never be happy with anything you own because something bigger and better will always come out tomorrow… you are chasing a happiness that will forever elude you into the future.

You also won’t be able to find happiness because like the new car, the newer car, and the car that hasn’t bee invented yet…. happiness is an infinite goal.

How do most people answer the question “If you could have anything, what would it be?”   Most people will answer “To be happy.”  It is the answer without meaning.  It has no meaning like all Miss Universe contestants wanting world peace.  Because when you are happy, which is an undefinable state of being, surely you would only then want to be happier, or more happy, or the happiest!  What is the limit on happiness.  Happiness is a futuristic myth.  Happiness is already here – just like achievement you just aren’t doing it.

But, if you are trying to achieve things while everybody is stopping you, with the ultimate goal of being happy – isn’t that just an impossible hope.

Wow, how pessimistic – the best part is in the end, you die!

But, what if it is not about stuff, or getting ahead, or getting that car, house… and following the dream of ultimately being happier.  What if being happy is a lot like love.  Most of us have been (some still are!) in love.  Can you identify the moment you fell in love – not the first time you said it, but the moment that, even discounting that initial ‘love at first sight’ myth (it’s called lust!), or that 1 week after meeting, or that 1 year after being in a relationship, when being together and liking that person a lot, changed for you into love?  No?  That is because being in love, falling in love, is not what is being sold to by the media.

Love is a series of small moments that change your world;  a look, a kind gesture, a word, a touch – not at 3 am after 15 shooters, but over time.  It is the culmination of connection, the putting of someone before yourself, kindness, understanding, listening and ….. and all the stuff you can’t identify that are really the little things….

Achievement is like that… the little things.  It is ‘eating the elephant’ – how do you do it? One mouthful at a time.  Achievement is what happiness is.  Achievement is not success, or fame or glory, or even recognition.  Achievement is the doing, the act of movement towards realistic goals, tasks, jobs or even completing the mundane with awareness.

I didn’t mow the lawn because I got up late, had a slow breakfast and then it was time to watch the footy….  I got up, enjoyed my breakfast and walked outside and mowed the lawn and then sat down a loved watching the footy – I had achieved and enjoyed.

Achievement is not about doing it all today but, about doing something.  It is about having some goal, some aim, something to do towards making ‘things’ better – it can even be a phone call (especially the one you have been putting off)…  achievement may actually be about not doing things that don’t achieve in the traditional sense;  those beers every night after work, the junk food instead of making a meal, having a smoke break, having an argument about something that doesn’t matter….  achievement is everywhere; you just have to notice… and actually do it.

And what does all this achievement bring? Happiness.  Happiness is achievement – it is doing things that are good for you and even more so for others.

Achievement is like love – you will do a task, reach a goal, help someone, do the hardest task on your list – and at the end of the day, when you have achieved (or at least broke the back of a job) what you set out to do, take a moment… you are a bit tired perhaps, good tired from doing hard things… take a moment and you may find that happiness has crept up on you and you weren’t even looking for it when you where cleaning out the gutters.