Somewhere along the line, we all got handed a little label maker and told it was “personal growth.”
Gay. Trans. Cis. Straight. Non binary. He him. She her. They them. This. That. The other. And if you do not pick one quickly enough, someone will kindly offer you a set like a waiter listing specials.
And look, I get it. For a lot of people, those words are not decoration. They are survival. They are belonging. They are the way you find your mob when the world has been rough. I am not here to take that away from anyone.
But I am here to ask a blunt question: why is the label so often the first thing we ask for, like it is the password to the real conversation?
Who Are You When Nobody’s Watching?
Here is my problem. Labels can be useful, but they are terrible at doing the job they keep getting hired for. They do not tell me if you are kind. They do not tell me if you apologise when you are wrong. They do not tell me if you are safe to be around when things get messy. They do not tell me if I call and 3.00 am you’ll come?
They do not tell me how you got to here?
And that is what I actually want to know.
What did you crawl through to get here? What are you proud of that nobody claps for? What do you hope for when your head hits the pillow and the day is finally quiet? What do you want to build, or fix, or protect? What makes you laugh so hard you snort and then pretend it was a cough?
Tell me about the dream you have not said out loud because it feels too big. Tell me about the grief you carry like a constant dead weight in your pocket. Tell me about the time you were brave and nobody saw it.
That is the stuff that makes a person. Not a checkbox.
Pronouns, Tribes, and the Great Human Hunger
I am not offended by pronouns. I am not terrified of identity. I am not declaring war on anybody’s flag.
I am just saying that sometimes it feels like we are collecting categories the way kids collect footy cards. Got one. Need another. Rare edition. Signed. Limited release. And, it just ends up in the box with the rest. No really adding to my life, just sitting there to show once in a while to show I have something you don’t.
We are starving for belonging, and we keep trying to eat it through labels. We keep trying to connect by pushing people in and out of a group.
But belonging is not a word. It is behaviour. It is how you treat the barista when your coffee is wrong. It is how you speak to your partner when you are tired. It is how you act when nobody is recording you, and there is no applause, and you could get away with being a dickhead.
If you want to tell me who you are, tell me what you do when you have power, even tiny power. Tell me how you handle anger. Tell me how you handle someone else’s pain. Tell me what you do with your attention, your money, your time, your words.
Because character is identity with receipts.
What’s the Point?
The point is simple. I want a world where the first question is not “what are you” but “who are you.” I practice saying when I meet people for the first time, not “What do you do for a job?” But, “What do you love to do?”
I want conversations where we do not lead with a label and end with silence. And, when we don’t agree the winner is the one that yells the loudest and blames the other. I want friendships built on curiosity, humour, honesty, and the strange miracle of being two humans who both made it through their own storms and still have the nerve to hope. And the understanding that hatred is a disease not a source of energy. And anger need only the addition of one letter to always signify “D anger.”
Maybe if we get good at seeing the person first, we can make someone’s day a little lighter. Maybe we leave a place better than we found it. Maybe we leave a person a little happier, or at least a little less alone.
So yes, be whatever you are. Call yourself whatever helps you breathe. I will respect it.
And then, once that part is done, come closer and tell me the real story.
Tell me your story, without fear or favour, with heart and truth. Tell me, who are you?
I keep seeing a post on Facebook where an old work associate is breaking and sharing his pain on numerous posts. Many kind people are replying with their love and support. It doesn’t seem to be helping.
Today he posted about ‘seeing himself’ and understanding things he was blind to before. That is what tragedy brings you, as its unwelcome gift, a world covered in shit that rolls down hill and you live in a valley.
Sometimes, there are moments in life when the floor simply gives way.
One minute you’re steady. The next, something blindsides you: a relationship collapses, a dream dissolves, someone you love disappears from your world, or life just… turns.
A life that was going alone nicely, with hopes and dreams and something to look forward to gets, real hard, real quick, it just seems life suddenly got very cruel. Bad things mostly happen quickly, without warning.
And, they happen without asking permission.
Hearts don’t crack politely, minds don’t break with affection.
They break loudly, silently, suddenly. That suddenness fills your life with grief, rejection, loneliness, uncertainty, tragedy, betrayal, and mostly, a pain in your chest, heart, head that seems impossible to bear. The reasons are endless, but the feeling is unmistakable.
And in those moments where nothing makes sense, where you’re left staring at the pieces thinking, “How the hell did this happen?” there’s an ancient line from an old shepherd-turned-king that still hits the human heart squarely:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18
Now, whether you see that as literal truth from a higher power, or as ancient poetry describing what humans have always hoped was true, the message lands the same:
You are not alone in your pain.
David, the guy who wrote that verse, lived a life that swung between triumphs and absolute disasters. He wasn’t preaching theory he was naming something he had survived. Something we all have survived in our own way: the belief (or maybe just the stubborn hope) that even in disaster, we’re not completely abandoned.
(PS: ‘Fact Check’ on the bloke above. The ‘rock-slingers’ in ancient armies were the most feared combatants as they could kill you from 50 yards away with a single stone. ‘Little Rock Slingers’ easily killed big giant dudes with armour and swords by hitting them in the head with a rock. A fact, not a miracle!)
The funny part about the Old Testament in the Bible is that its a horror story, filled mostly with bad people doing bad things and getting pulled out of the shit at deaths’ knock by a God they’ve just been ignoring while they worship golden cows, having orgies and getting on the piss. (I’d get rid of the Old Testament if I was doing a rewrite – not that I’ve read it all, to much begetting of sons and fathers!)
So, when it comes to tragedy, ask yourself quietly: Is your heart broken? Is your spirit crushed?
If so… take this next part however you need it:
From a religious point of view: God is near. Or if you don’t believe in “God” or any higher power perhaps consider the truth in any case:
Comfort is near. Meaning is near. A way through is near.
You haven’t been left to fight this alone. You are seen, even when no one seems to notice. You are held, even when no one seems to reach for you. You are not forgotten, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise.
And no, as we all know, there is no free pass from hardship. Life doesn’t work like that. But it does mean there is something, call it God, call it strength, call it the human Spirit, call it stubborn human resilience that steps closer when everything else falls apart.
That is how we survive. That is how we, as a species have always survived the hardships and tragedies of just living.
The Bible says God is called the Comforter, a presence that soothes, steadies, guides, and whispers encouragement into the wreckage. Even if you’re an atheist, that word Comforter still makes sense. We’ve all felt comfort that came from somewhere we couldn’t fully explain.
Maybe it was a friend. Maybe it was a memory. Maybe it was a moment of calm when your whole world was burning. Maybe it was just your own heart proving it still had some fight left. Maybe it is that undeniable resilience of the human spirit shining through.
Whatever the source, comfort is real. And it keeps people alive. Sometimes it just arrives, sometimes we may need to seek it, sometimes we may need to be the one offering.
Screenshot
So, if today your spirit feels crushed firstly take a breath. Look around, and realise the world is still there, understand it is mostly happening within you and not too you. The human race, I believe has always been in good hands. We just use our gifts for a lot of the wrong reasons. And it doesn’t matter if you call those hands divine or simply human.
Life will always contain trials and hardships. But pain doesn’t get the final say. You do. Your healing does. Your next chapter does.
Name, even quietly, whatever has cracked your heart open. Acknowledge it without rushing to fix it. A wise old soldier mate of mine once rewrote a old saying into:
”Don’t just do something, stand there.”
Then give yourself permission to sit, in a divine presence if you believe in that, or simply in a moment of stillness. Not doing something and taking a moment is often the best answer.
Let the weight shift and lift a little.
Irrespective of fate, divine plans and the chaos of human existence, somehow we are all connected. Even if we don’t notice everyday, as we are cruel, unkind and indifferent to each other. I believe, no, I know under the surface, in all of us there is closeness, comfort, connection healing and better days to come..
We that are all here, are still just here, living everyday as it comes. And that means something good is still possible, wether it be divine or not, as tomorrow will come, with our permission or not.
Biden just told the world he would hand over the US Presidency to Trump peacefully and they met and had a nice chat…..
I love being wrong in my predictions…… but: I make them anyway….
Biden will be dead before Christmas (gently in his sleep?) Kamala will be President for a bit under a month….. Multiple assassination attempts on Trump….. they will probably get him….. There will be a US Constitutional “Crisis”…….
….. and it goes on…. And on…. And on….. And on……
(The new civil war in USA is still not avoided…..)
This is an extract from my post ‘War What is it Good For‘: you can read the entire thing, but I got to the point where I decided that we, ‘we the people’ should stop being passive and sheep. The hardest part is that we are divided already. Revolution only starts or succeeds if we are all going in the same direction and of course we are going in the ‘right’ direction..
So here is my little extract:
WE ARE AUSTRALIANS!!!!!
Our home is on an ancient land with an ancient culture and are made up of people from all the other cultures on this planet.
We have historically fought for the ideals of other countries (not our own) and defended our coast only twice in wars that, one changed a culture and the other never really threatened it. And, other than the politicians, we Australians have defended our shores with a lot of loss of life and a pain.
But, we are all still here, we are Australians.
A revolution is coming and it is not in a country we have to Google to figure out where it is, or a place we send our young men and women to die, or the future destruction of the true ‘Australia Culture’….. which is all of us that live here today.
You don’t think you can do anything. You think being passive is not the answer (Hint: See Gandhi, see Dr Martin Luther King, see Nelson Mandela – all good examples of resistance without resistance!)
This “Revolution” involves doing northing.
We are ruled by our own consent. We are taught to:
Consume
Live in Fear
Be addicted
Separate into our separate ‘tribes’, groups, ideologies, etc etc (Please remember, one of the greatest military strategies, is to ‘divide and conquer’)
So, I have decided, all the writing I have been doing over the last few months, years, decades…. And all the plans for change, I will post.
And, I guarantee, by deciding to not, consume, be afraid, be addicted and to decide more importantly, to work with everyone for change, we can again all be true Australians.
So, PHASE ONE, is this, and its simple because it is what we used to do:
Say hello to people in the street…
Wave to people from you car…
Let that other driver in front of you…
Let that person in front of you go first in the in line…
Say please and thank you…
Smile…
Chat…
And, again I promise, I will hopefully post more PHASES of this ‘Revolution’ to get our lives back as Australians. To share the values that have been here for millennia , centuries and for all the time that Aussies used to believed, in giving everyone a fair go.
And, no-one will ever fire a shot, sue a neighbour, be marching down the street with a sign, or do anything that is not moral or good and transparent.
Because, ‘the system’ is our enemy and lucky it is its own worst enemy.
For again I say, we are governed and ruled by our own consent.
We will as Australians, change our country, to where we are all equal, where 99% of the wealth is not owned by less than 1%. Where those who try, and take the time to notice, will make a difference that no-one will see coming.
WE HAVE TO TRY!!!!
Let us all be the good leader in the ‘survival situation’. I suspect we are approaching one. So let us look after the weak, sick, disadvantaged, lost, etc etc (whose eye contact we now avoid in the street). Or, we only ‘help’ because someone is paying us.
Let us first reconnect with each other right where we live and where’ve we travel in this great land. By doing a few small things each day in reconnecting, you will find you may very well feel happier and make someone’s day. And, the best part, it costs you nothing. If we can’t take this first step in a ‘Revolution” which involves being kind to each other, it is no wonder big business, governments and big Tech are not kind to use and use us as ‘consuming machines’. This can change, and will change, if we all work together; if we decide to ‘withdraw’ our consent.
Well here goes…. ….. and this is a long read….. sorry!
I haven’t had my second vaccination yet (I will not use the advertising slogan “The Jab” although I did use it in the heading of this post – hypocrisy is still one of my strong points?), however I am all booking in later this month and will be getting it.
…. someone said to me the other day, all that is happening in the world today seems a bit like a bad plot in a B Grade science fiction movie… ?
As I said in Part 1, I love movies; I also love reality TV; well not in its entirety, okay not at all, I just love ‘Survivor’. But, truely can Reality TV be anything other than real; real people put in real made up situations trying to be real? I blame the Kardashians and Paris Hilton who are real famous for being, well, real famous. And, then there is living in the real world….
In the real world, the weird real world of today, I have spent a lot of time thinking about stuff. I think about stuff I know, and then there is the stuff that I think I know; and what I see. Then I try and put this all in the perspective of my years of deducing conclusions that fit all the facts.
I tell young Detectives do all you can to try and prove the ‘offender’ innocent and when you can’t, well logically, they did it….
So, in my ‘analysis of The Jab’ I first had to get rid of some of the ‘innocent’ or unprovable theories.
… bearing this in mind, I told a ‘flat earther’ friend of mine the other day that I don’t believe the world is flat as there is more evidence that it is a sphere floating in space and a force we can’t explain called gravity keeps us all from falling off (that sounds just as silly when you write it down); But, I listened to them as their arguments were interesting. I did finish our conversation by saying, if a giant spaceship landed tomorrow and the occupants of that ship came out and said ‘Oh, by the way, you have been living on a flat earth under a big dome’ I’d walk out to the fridge in the shed, get a beer, have a sit down and say ‘fair enough’ – this doesn’t seem probable, but….?
So back to my ‘innocent’ and unprovable theories, they all seem to be flawed on two grounds.
Firstly they seem statistically unlikely, and secondly they do not have a logical purpose behind them.
Before I go on (and I believe me I am going on….!) I am going to do my best to not say ‘your should or you shouldn’t’. Religion is so full of people starting sentences with ‘you should’ and/or ‘you shouldn’t and that when for me it is not talk to the hand it is talk to the back of my head as I am walking away. So, I will do my best not to do this to you. Always remember that when religion is working for the rich, it’s fine; but, not for the poor. See, I’m not the only one with a monopoly on hypocrisy.
Back to the Detectives ‘investigationing’ (a great non-word) I started by just letting all the ‘facts’ be a mist of genuine ‘unknownness’. In the end, after asking a few very basic questions of myself, the answer seemed really simple, not sinister, just really, really sad.
I considered two main questions below which led me to the answer (and it is not 42! – that was the question remember!)
Question 1 – The Media
What of the Media (the Merchants of Misery). As said before it is probably the first time they have so obviously been in support of the Government and any of their plans. I also relates to the fact that their job has become easier; we can’t attack them for manipulation because we are all victims who prove so easily and eager to step into the experience they provide; fake, proven or otherwise it is the spectacle, the modern arena for us the slave gladiators willingly taking part; and we are sold the myth that we think we are just sitting in the stands.
Question 2 – The big Question: Why?
Well, it depends on how you are looking at this pandemic; as this view will make the question very simple or very complicated. The greatest question which answers itself about all conspiracy theories in that for most of them to be true, the extent of the conspiracy would have to be so big, what could I do about it anyway… another time to walk to the fridge get a beer, sit down and say ‘fair enough I didn’t expect that?’.
We mostly live in a democratic world, but that doesn’t really matter. Even in a democracy we really can do whatever we wish so long as we do what ‘they’ (the infamous ‘they’!) tell us to do. Remember all our ‘rulers’ democratic or not rely on our consent to rule.
Controlling the consent of ‘robots’ is easy when we have a futile fear of everything and are focused on the superficial joys of consuming, immediate gratification and the Kardashians.
The question as to ‘why’ is simple. Does it help the rich or does it help the general population? From this question you know the ‘why’ straight away and virtually what’s going to happen next.
Well, surprise we are now allowed to have freedoms that we started off with before and thought nothing of. Perhaps we are being giving something called the ‘Privilege of Greatness’ were the ‘powers to be’ rely on the supreme pleasure and gratefulness of the population on receiving small concessions so as the bigger issues are forgotten in the celebration and joy of the insubstantial gift. Viva La ‘Freedom Day’!
…. And through this smokey, misty, fact finding and intuitional detection process, it dawn on me…
The vaccines are probably safe(ish) as much as polio, rubella etc etc were/are safe in their interestingly statistically verified safeness. A sad statistic is that vaccines, even the bad ones have never hurt or killed more people than the countries that have been torn apart, the generations of hurt, guilt, regret, pain and death, that resulted from our smallest wars. So, many wars, our World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf Wars, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan; ….. the war on drugs ….. the war on terror ….. the war on traffic fatalities ….. the war on corruption ….. the war on COVID19
Fun Fact: COVID19 is the disease caused by the SARS-CoV-2 virus strain just like AIDS in the disease caused by the HIV Virus. Go figure this silly medical stuff?
After all, our emergency services and defence services personnel are always on the front line of these ‘wars’. It is never the generals, it’s the civilians who authorise and organise these wars who ultimately commit the worst war crimes in history.
All that has happened in this ‘Why’, has ‘political support’. Political support is a wonderful phrase as it almost always means the Governments bipartisan support from the rich and big business. Climate change for example (I think that’s a ‘war’ too) is now big business, so everything is being ‘green washed’ because that’s where the money is.
However, this is just the pilot in a really great apocalypse movie (although low on budget and special effects.
All good apocalypse movies have a sequel in the making when released. If ‘Rick’ can go from trying to steal a mates girlfriend (Love Actually) to being the reason we all hope the Zombie kill him (The Walking Dead), then anything is possible in the sequal.
I believe the why and the solution is not revolution but evolution; I can hardly wait for ‘The Jab Part 3’!!!
Really – this guy is only 0.69 !!!!
(I had actually finished the draft of this post and thought leaving it on the above ‘cliff hanger’ was like watching ‘Highway Patrol’ when the blood alcohol metre is spinning in the corner and then they go for a commercial break – then I realise how much I hated that so I can’t do it to anyone else….)
I finished my draft on the evening of the 12/11/21…. and upon realising the date was a palindrome like ‘race car’ and hannah’ and ‘glenelg’ and my favourite and applicable to this post:
“no sir panic is a basic in prison”
The words of Plato filled my head: “All in all, nothing human is worth taking very seriously, nevertheless…..”
I recommend before the sequel to keep the status quo by:
keep consuming
pay your fines and surrender you right of having ‘your day in court’ – even to just say sorry or give a good reason or to ask for a bit of leniency
watch cats on vacuum cleaners and the Kardashians and their clones
buy on line and never price compare unless it is online
watch the Media (the Merchants of Misery) even though you don’t believe them…. much.
and most of all, be afraid; in the most prosperous, safest, longest life expectancy and peaceful time in human history, ever; you just remain afraid
Remember the above strategies have ‘political support’ which is best statistically summarised by this wonderful survey in the US, which had 98% of the population supporting universal health care – this was not considered ‘political support’ so universal health care was abandoned by government – well they had to, there was no support?. Remember, we are most in danger when we have jumped out of the way of a speeding car, willingly or not, of most likely being run over by another car.
So, we will fight ‘the war on COVID19’ for as a government and us as the willing mob we all live for the sake of combatting an enemy, therefore as that is our purpose, it is in the best interests of everyone to keep the enemy alive to fulfil our purpose.
So, what, best interest?
Best interest is big business, the super rich and the implementation of the ‘three laws of robotics’ as designed by the science fiction writer Issac Asimov (by the way old Issac just came up with three robot laws and a few good books, whereas another science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard came up with an entire religion!):
First Law: A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
Second Law: A robot must obey orders given it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Third Law: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Now the Why is revealed.
We have become customers for life, obeying the three laws as all good robots do.
Not truely sinister, but COVID19 (forgot all the conspiracies) has provided the opportunity for the greatest marketing, sales and future binding contracted arrangements with consumers. We, the 80-90% of the population, are now consumers of our COVID19 vaccinations, and boosters for life. We should be proud that we are part of the greatest demonstration of consumer led capitalism in the history of man, ever!
Protests in the streets, even with the best of intentions of the ‘choice argument’ will fail…. Long rambling blogs will fail……. Litigation will fail…….
I, along with 80-90% of the rest of the world have sealed deal and signed the ‘customer for life contract’.
…. and then I thought I had written enough…. and had a sleep and made the mistake of watching the News and not just publishing this post…..
13/11/21 (no palindrome – that day is gone…)
They say a week in politics or the news cycle is a long time. Well, I should have published/posted this the morning and then I wouldn’t have watched the news tonight!?
Countries with similar (or better) vaccination rates to us are going back into locked down – when the Netherlands do something like this I pay attention – they seem like reasonable people and secretly own half the world.
I hit myself in the face in front of the mirror ‘Fight Club’ style, as I again fell for the trap of attempting to use logic to solve and illogical problem.
I remembered even ‘customers for life’ need to be entertained to keep that ‘brand loyalty’…. always waiting for the new and improved models, which will have great new versions and the ever expectation and excitement of impending war.
I don’t want to be a Zombie…. I don’t want to be a conspiracy theorist….
I don’t, didn’t, want the jab…..
Plus, it shits me a bit it has a nickname – The Jab. This is serious stuff. It has been normalised by a great campaign and people rolling their sleeves and looking ‘honestly’ into the camera.
How about we ‘normalise’ all serious matters?
I hate that word ‘normalise’ almost as much as the phrase ‘the new normal’….. and another one “moving forward”….. and ‘two times’ – IT’S TWICE!!!!
How about we change all language to be trendy and woke (I hate that word too!) and start with getting rid of the word ‘rape’ and use ‘struggle snuggle’ instead, so much less harsh; change the “Make a Wish Foundations” name, as it is a bit misleading, to “Make a Wish, Except that One, Foundation”; get rid of endemic normalised sexism in our drink driving advertisements with terrible discriminatory slogans such a “Drink Drive You’re A Selfish Prick’ to ‘Drink Drive You’re a Selfish Prick and/or Bitch and/or Non-Binary Arsehole”…..??
Just saying: not a fan of ‘The Jab’ phraseology.
I’ll say, right up front, that I am a ‘doomsday prepper’.
But, I am an intellectual ‘doomsday prepper.
I watch apocalypse movies and never want for toilet paper. I yell at the screen “NO, NO, NO…. NEVER SPLIT UP!!! DIDN’T YOU WATCH EVERY HORROR MOVIE EVER MADE?!!”
I have some cans of baked beans, just in case! …. and I did once write a little pamphlet called “Ian’s Manifesto for Surviving the Apocalypse’. And, okay, I did give it to all my children…. … and, okay, the ‘manifesto’ was enclosed in their individual ‘Survival Packs’ which I gave them all for Christmas one year….. okay, I do insist that they always carry them in the back of their cars.
And, Okay, last confession: I am writing a novel called “Prepper – My Dad’s Crazy”: and I stuffed up real bad by not finishing it in 2017 when I started it. It is/was, about a Pandemic… yeah, wont be many people writing those stories in the next couple of years.
I watch the ‘Walking Dead’ and can’t believe their biggest challenge is that their hearing is terrible; they never appear to hear the snarling, growling Zombies, until they are less than a metre away.
And, my all time favourite apocalypse movies, are still, the Omega Man and Soylent Green (which is apparently next year?).
But, lately something is wrong…. no, not wrong, but weird.
I make notes during the News when I am not yelling at the TV and intently listening to the ‘local resident’ Jim Bob from Number 37 who said nothing ever happened like that before in their street and he was terrified and it is terrible and horrific and somebody should do something about it (and he obviously has no dentist or dietary plan).
So, I watch stuff, listen to stuff, listen to people and broadcasts and statistics and reassurances from everyone…. including, remarkably the Media (the ‘Merchants of Misery’). When they are on the same side as the Government that really worries me?
And… it’s on the tip of my mind; the face you can see, but can’t remember the name; the place you left your car keys and can’t quite remember where, that sense of ‘deja vue’ about something that hasn’t happened yet; the phone ringing and the person you were just thinking about being the one calling…..
I am certain I right; if I could only think what is was…..
Hopefully, ‘The Jab (Part 2)’ will have the answer.
I was looking in the book shelf the other day to find something to read…. okay I know you are thinking I am looking for a book to read on the toilet…. WRONG! Let me assure you I do not read books on the toilet – everyone knows that toilet time is YouTube time!
Anyway I was standing there completely underwhelmed by the majority of the books which were mainly self help books (Note to self: Write a self help book about finding self help books in your bookshelf!) when I saw a little book called “The Ultimate Gift.” Well I actually saw two copies of it and wondered why I would have two? So curiosity got the best of me and I had a little read…
Without destroying the very basic plot of this self help book which is written as a story so that you don’t feel as if you are being preached at because the loser in the book is fictional and not a complete representation of you and your life…… there basically is no plot.
There is however, a very interesting chapter called:
The Gift of a Day Life at its essence boils down to one day at a time – today is the day.
Pretty profound beginning to the chapter (you have to have snappy headings when you have no plot… it really needed pictures as well!). In essence our hero was telling a young lad about his idea of “The Gift of a Day” which he summed up as:
“When you face your own mortality you contemplate how much of your life you have lived versus how much you have left. I know at some point I will live the last day of my life. I have been thinking about how I would want to live that day and what I would do if I had only one day left to live. I have come to realise that if I can get a picture in my mind of maximising one day, I have mastered the essence of living because life is nothing more than a series of days.”
Well, I have faced my own mortality just recently so this sentence rang a bit of a cord with me. Not that I haven’t contemplated that one inevitability in life, that being death, a few times in the past.
I know we all wander into this life with an unknown amount of life. We get to spend our time (the only real commodity) any way we wish to. Some may spend it quickly and buy all the big ticket items and live like a rock star (especially rock stars)…. and others may spend frugally and find that all their savings can’t be cashed in when they are needed.
I actually thought ‘that day’ had arrived a few weeks ago. I didn’t get to spend it how I planned – actually as there was no time to plan and the day was thundering ahead towards my demise and I wasn’t thinking about my bucket list, I was only thinking about the kicking of that bucket I appeared to be about to take….
It would appear that death didn’t always come a knocking and say “Hey you better get your shit together because you need to get a couple of perfect days under your belt before I come swinging with my sythe!”
As it turned out death wasn’t something I was fearing, I have my beliefs, and they sit well with me. If you have watched the movie Crocodile Dundee you will understand my take on the after life as being a bit like Mick Dundee when he is asked if he believes in God and he replies “I reckon we’d be mates.”
It wasn’t my fear of dying, it was my fear of not living that worried me. I didn’t get to plan my last day and there was still some shit I had to do. So, I now have the time to do it…. but, life gets in the way… and unfortunately it appears to be getting back to normal… important shit is happening everywhere and my days are getting full again… I just don’t have time to die there isn’t a gap in my schedule.
And as I wrote not long after ‘surviving’ when my main priority in life being filling out forms:
Afterglow of tragedy, Fades in direct comparison to the minute by minute Requirement to deal with the mundane
I realised that my almost death was not that important, or after a few days, probably wouldn’t even be noticed. I realised that I had a bit more life to live because I realised that the gift of a day, is everyday.
“DING”
I lost the moment of the profound life When mine almost ended And it was not profound.
I saw it, My friends and family saw it Not only in my life, But in their own.
It is not a sad moment But a lonely one. At the moment where you almost sleep For eternity You wake To the booming sound of nothing.
And your muses are silent And the profound extension of your existence lost You are nothing
Your achievements and possessions dust Your struggles but the small ding of the triangle At the back of the orchestra,
Don’t know if I mentioned I almost died from an aneurysm a few days before Christmas….
If I had have died imagine how that would have stuffed up Christmases for the entire family for…. well, forever…. What a terrible day that would have been “Oh, here’s the new blouse you wanted, and oh yeah, this is the day Dad died!” Horrible!
I know I am going to die before my daughters. Well that is what all parents wish and I can’t imagine otherwise…. I have a mate who’s 24 year old son recently died from cancer…. the world will never be the same again and most definitely never seem fair.
….. and I must digress here …. by saying that friends do not show up when it’s convenient or easy but they are just there when it is hard…. I am trying to do that for my mate above.
So I spent a few days in hospital, well actually three weeks, and although it wasn’t exactly a piece of cake for me, I know it was hard, maybe more so (as I was zonked out on oxy most of the time – the only time I ever had access to that many drugs was after midnight down Hindley Street talking to a bloke called Guido!), for my friends, family, wife and daughters.
I can’t thank my wife enough…. but that is another blog and probably a bit more between me and her. A lot of the people I have to thank have received a little special thank you in the post – well maybe not yet as the old mail with a pen and paper really is as slow as a snail. I often ask myself why I still write letters and send cards – but then again I did have a brain aneurysm so talking to myself has become somewhat the norm – and I agree!
My little blog today is also not about my friends – who many fulfilled the above little saying of being there when it was hard. … and a lot were smart enough to not be there and fill my hospital room, read my magazines and steal my chocolates…. but called later when the dust settled and I could actually remember them either being there or talking to me!
My daughters… the ones that I thought I was here to protect, suddenly were there
protecting me, holding me up, making me proud of the young women they had become… so one night I wrote the following:
My Daughters
When I was on the edge of life, When I wavered, When I was scared, When I feared for the future,
Angels appeared, … and they were my Daughters.
They lifted me up, They led me back, I am alive, and I am grateful.
My daughters, … such strength … and grace … such unconditional love.
Their gift of my life, I am humbled and proud. Thank You.
… and more so, I am grateful that I am here to write this and tell them in person, everyday.
Happiness is a very interesting concept. Once you ask yourself if you are happy you cease to be so… Plus, if you were actually happy why would you do anything that could endanger that – it would be silly!
Just lately I have been chatting to people and attempting to gauge their ‘happiness.’ I never ask them in case they are happy and as above, by asking them they would cease to be happy… I think?
A lot of the people I note are very busy. They have stuff to do and places to go, and this and that needs to be done, usually yesterday and of course there is always a meeting that can’t be missed and they have to rush to… (you may be interested in reading my guide to meetings by clicking here – remember any good meeting is a great alternative to actually working!).
I was writing something else the other day in another place (do you know how expensive spray cans are these days!) and it goes like this….
” … life goes on; it tumbles down a hill without thought or
often reason and we ride the avalanche of information, obligation and need; but wait, stop and you see all the scenery that was racing past and you get to watch it for a moment; You flail your arms and grab at moments going by. You stumble, roll and fall but bounce right back up again and continue at a greater pace. You realise the endless movement is not necessarily progress and the deafening noise is all in your head; after all it is not the ground giving way under you…. the never ending momentum that you are caught up in is because you are actually running.”
Perhaps, happiness is those fleeting moments, a grab at the passing scenery, a flash of beautiful colour out the corner of your eye. And, perhaps if you do it often enough and find that running is actually fun as well, then happiness is already here – its just that you have to notice and appreciate it for what it is.
… and finally if you are doing so much running it is nice to be actually going somewhere and be looking forward to a destination …
All the news is bad and I watch too many Zombie apocalypse movies… but, over the last few years a truck just ran through a crowd in France killing people (I was going to say including women and children but aren’t all lives valued the same – probably not?), a car in Melbourne did the same… and man with a knife etc etc etc….. (Just a little fun fact about a few people dying from terrorists and a few crazies…. anyone remember the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami which killed over 240,000 people in 14 countries….. can’t stop that one with a taser and a trolly!)
I don’t think there is a great likelihood of there being a Zombie apocalypse or evil virus designed to wipe out the human race – but, I am sure there is some sort of war going on against us – and I mean all of us. Plus, danger appears to be everywhere.
I am angry that the world is becoming (or is it just appearing to be…) such an unsafe and dangerous place, for us all to live in. I write posts, I espouse threats, theories and rhetoric in the pub every chance I get, I like Facebook post that are angry, and I get angry at the News (even though I have vowed to stop watching the it!)
But…. the big ‘but’ here is that I can do something about it; the other ‘but’ is I must decide what it is I am going to do – I have to have a plan. So:
I can decide to make a real difference, which would entail me dedicating my life to righting all these wrongs and really doing something about it. I can join a lobby, protest and/or militant group to fight back. I can run for politics and stand up. I must be dedicated and fight with all I have, I mean everything – all else in my life must become secondary – to not do this just makes me another keyboard or pub warrior not making a difference but just making a noise….or
I can do what I can and try and live my life the best I can. What is doing what I can. First of all it is stop talking and start doing, start paying attention to all the things I see in the world that make me crazy and start realising that it doesn’t all really mean anything until it happens to me, in my life, at my doorstep, to my family, to my friends (only close friends mind you!) – and, most of all be prepared (just like a Boy Scout).
I can do nothing.
Interlude: I got a little excited being a dooms dayer and realise I actually don’t really think this way all that much anymore…. this is one of my ‘draft posts‘ that I started after the truck ran through the crowd in France. I was angry that anyone would do this…. and I was angry that this truck travelled over a kilometre and was crashing into cars, buildings, posts (and people) and still, people at the 900 metre mark were run over by SURPRISE (!) when the truck came up behind them. I was angry at them for dying. I was angry for them dying so badly. Yeah, the first few hundred metres you can expect that people were unexpecting…. but hundreds of metres later, with crashing and screaming and dying…. people were still oblivious to a truck smashing down a pedestrian walkway towards them – even if it was from behind…. I actually wonder how many died looking at their phones trying to start their video app so they could capture whatever was happening…. I think they just died badly… and worse…. oblivious and without really putting up a fight!
Interlude II : I do feel sorry for all the people who have died in these terrible violent incidents we seem to be plagued with in our modern world…. but, just to put all that into perspective we ARE – read the following as a fact; you can research it and find I am right even if the media (the Merchants of Misery) don’t want you to think it…. we ARE living in the SAFEST, MOST PROSPEROUS, HEALTHIEST, period in human history – not just recent times, or centuries, but EVER! (CLICK HERE for a good article about the statistics involved). So why are we all so afraid and convinced the world in on the brink of apocalypse….?
So where was I before the interlude(s)…..
I was going to attempt to survive the apocalypse, although it is unlikely it will happen, I still would not like to die oblivious and wearing my life jacket when the ship sinks.
Some years ago two of our children were involved in serious ‘survival’ situations that they were lucky to get out of, relatively unscathed….. I thought, I am the doomsday prepper from way back, yet could not help my children when they needed me the most. Why? Because I wasn’t there and I had always planned on talking to them about ‘survival situations’ tomorrow…. well that day came, and guess what? It caught us all by surprise!
So the next Christmas I gave the all the kids ‘survival packs’ for their cars… Yes, I know it sounds crazy and paranoid, but they all carry them in their cars – and they love them, and they show their friends.
The packs have first aid, a few space blankets, some tools etc etc – the content is not really as important as the message. …. and as a matter of fact the packs do contain a message in the form of the “Survival Manifesto”. This is a short document which is the most important survival ‘tool’ in the pack. It is a really simple message of staying alive when things go wrong by following the “Four Rules of Survival’:
I have noticed that when I ask people what is the first rule of survival, nobody gets it.
We often think of all those wonderful tips and tricks on the TV about survival, like building a fire, finding shelter, finding water etc etc – most of which most of us can’t really do in real life, in the real bush, in a real survival situation.
The one thing we never think about is not getting in that situation in the first place.
Now of course, this doesn’t help in surviving the apocalypse – because I am sure when it comes, the apocalypse that is, it will be beyond our control…. but most things in our day to day lives, even in those little moments which change the course of our lives, often, all we have to do is take a moment and think…. is this really a good idea?
Both situations involving my children could have been avoided, or at the very least minimised, if the first and perhaps the second rule of survival had been followed….
Also, survival as you can see is not about being able to build a hut from your boot laces and a mars bar wrapper – it is more about what is going on inside your head.
I know one thing. The giving of the ‘eye rolling’ gift of the survival packs to my children and the highlighting of the above four rules make my kids, and me, and perhaps even you now that you have read this, more likely to survive ‘that situation’ (or perhaps even avoid it) than the vast majority of the world, who not only die, but unfortunately die badly and dumb.
I might write a few more articles about surviving the apocalypse from the ‘manifesto’ – but then again when times get tough, food is scarce and the shit has hit the fan, perhaps if there were less of us it would be easier…..
PS: Statistically….. if it is ‘every man for themselves’ usually 90 to 100% of people die – yet when everyone works together 90 to 100% survive….. can anyone guess what we humans do in 90% of survival situations……? (I didn’t make this up and if you are interested a great book to read about historical survival situations is: “No Mercy – True Stories of Disaster, Survival and Brutality” by Eleanor Learmonth and Jenny Tabakoff)
